half a woohoo!

I'm published again. Ok. I know they have to publish me becuase I work here but it's still exciting. On more and I'm press! Three Woohoos! go go marine zooplankton

Authors have decided to declare this day "annoy the editor day and cause her to lose her mind." Minus one quarter of a woohoo.

The editor in question puked this morning. Who loves hot weather, dehydration, nasal drip (yum), and the aftermath of sushi and beer? Minus one quarter of a woohoo.

One more day with the boy. Minus two wohoos.

But I'm looking forward to woohoos to come.

And I quote...

"Yes. I am interested in the chair with the orange cushion listed for 3 dollars. Could you please describe in more detail. My entire house is outfitted in orange furniture. I think I have just the place for this in the den next to my orange toshiba tv. Is it more of a mango color or closer to pumpkin?? Please be as exact as possible. It is imperative that I have the right shade of orange. Also, are you willing to negotiate or barter? Three dollars may be a little to steep for me. I could pay in installments however. Or I have a chair with a green cushion I am willing to trade (or burn, i hate green now!!).

thank you,

Herp G. Shrope"

Ah Craigslist.

The below posting is mine, feel free to buy our STUFF.

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My roomates moved and I'm selling their STUFF!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: sale-164853838@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-05-26, 9:30AM EDT


As in any group living situation, my housemates and I have unwillingly inherited a lot of STUFF. Please help us finance a sweet Memorial Day barbecue by buying this STUFF. Prices are open to negotiation. (If there are two items the price is for both of them as a set)

ELECTRONICS:
12inch TV $20
12inch TV, 1970s, may or may not work, but has a Tamagotchi keychain. $1
Bionaire air purifier $10
collection of computer speaker $5
clock radio $5
discman $2
walkman $2
Sharp stereo with detachable speakers, may or may not work $5
telephone $2
Farberware coffe maker w/no pot $5

HOUSEWARES:
2 bamboo curtains, no attachments $2
chandelier $2
Christmas cheese crock w/knife $2
metal wine rack, holds 7 bottles $5
laundry rack $2
laundry basket $2
blanket, black, furry, large (yo mama!) $2

FURNITURE:
office chair, wheels, leather-ish $7
chair, orange cushion $3
table/desk, 4x2, black wood and metal $20

RANDOM:
2 plastic pumpkin baskets for Trick-or-Treating $1
bamboo pole, 4ft, no idea what it's for $1
extra large dropcloth $1
Superman costume, adult sized $2
2 plastic sleds $5
frog poster, framed $2
under the sea poster, framed $2
wire head massager $1
milk crate $1
several binders $1
stuffed bear holding valentine $1
drawing pad $2
64 ounce Seminoles covered mug $1

BOOKS:
1916 $.25
NATO Manual $.25
Al Gore, a user's guide $.25
Scourge, the once and future threat of smallpox $1
Wickett's Remedy $1
The hungry tide $1
some random Japanese graphic novel, entirely in Japanese $.25
some random romance novel $.25
Left Behind $.25
East meets West $.25

We also have a bag of random shoes and some clothing if you're feeling brave.


this is in or around Tenleytown

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

the stars align

Hey! I left my keys in the lock of my car overnight and no one stole it! I am a lucky bastard! (most of the time)

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"On the weekend of May 20 and 21, spend some time alone because you will be vulnerable to accidents and anger." ~ Virgo horoscope

If only I had read it...or cared. This weekend was definitely a rollercoaster, the kind that bangs you around making your head throb and your stomach heave, culminating in spectacular digestive pyrotechnics that offend all people within a two mile radius due to the overwhelming smell of half digested hotdogs and cotton candy.

Shall we begin with Saturday?
Original plans: help the boy pack, go to Book Expo, hang with Milkweedians (those who work at Milkweed, the largest non-profit literary press where I previously interned)
What really happened: help the boy pack, car break down, argue with boy while waiting three hours for tow truck, tow truck ride of life, not hang with Milkweedians, discover that none of the lights in my room work

And Sunday?
Original plans: go to Book Expo, hang with Milkweedians, go to Nats game
What really happened: can't get in Book Expo, get thrown out of Book Expo, not hang with Milkweedians, go to Nats game

Monday!
Original plans: get lights fixed, go to Jeopardy audition, kick ass at Jeopardy audition, work, soccer, sleep
What really happened: All of that plus some quality time with the roomies and the boy! (Oh except I went for a long run instead of soccer)

I've spared you the details because two good stories came out of this. I shall try to do them justice but just remember I have little experience with fiction, particularly character studies. (to be posted later after I have actually written them and edited them to death. Hints: One will be about the tow truck driver and the other will be about super spydom/getting kicked out of the Book Expo)

-----------
And in case you're interested, my official Jeopardy factoids are.... (drum roll please).......

1. I once got lost in Switzerland and the only words that I could remember from the German language tapes were "listen" and "repeat"
2. I have always wanted to be voice talent for cartoons
3. I've been canoeing in a snow storm.
4. I'm a published author and photographer.
5. I hike to the hightest point of DC every day.

doids de fact

How my very own sister sees me:
-you once stayed with veritable strangers while in switzerland; i don't think they spoke english
-we were insanely jealous of your ringlets when you were a kid
-you were afraid of bugs and dirt that looked like bugs and a very fake looking spider toy until you were about 3
-you used to tell people that you and joe were twins and made up a song about being the arnstein twins
-you have unusual taste in pants (per gram)
-you can recite the alphabet backwards
-you cheated on your elementary school poetry memorization tests
-you used to dream that you were playing basketball and "shoot" your stuffed toys all over the room
-your favorite defense strategy in basketball was to growl at your opponent
-you want to be a voice on veggie tales
in a water balloon fight with joe, you snuck into the house, put on a rain hat and coat and came after him with the hose
-idiosyncratic comma usage?

What Andrew thinks:
-You're a published author
-You enjoy web comics
-amateur blogger
-youngest nobel prize recipient
-you like to make up factoids.
-Oh, you know the secret to time travel.

And reader, I can't recite the alphabet backwards and I don't recall growling during basketball games. As for the Nobel Prize, it's all true.

Bits o tids

So I'm still in a stinky mood but I thought I'd share a funny conversation:

Me: i need to think of five neat tidbits about myself for my jeopardy audition...any ideas?
KT: you have a freaky fingernail
Me: ah yes. thanks.
KT: you worked at a YMCA camp. you like to write poetry. you once tried to surprise my dad and landed in the laundry basket. in 8th grade we could fit both of your shoes into one of russell's
KT: I was thinking about the hanging condoms from the ceiling incident, but that's probably not fit for Jeopardy audiences

Isn't it neat (and slightly scary) what other people think are the interesting things about you? This is a good social experiment. Help me think of five good me-factoids for Jeopardy!

Fizzle

fizzles hurt more than pops.

Hugs!

Hugs to y'all! Thanks for your positive comments and quirky solutions to my funk! Thanks to the people who unwittingly cheered me up (Meg, Dan, Rob), those who are sorely delusional about my spectacularness (J, Popcorn, Mare) and to the one and only housemate who agreed to walk six miles with me even when I wouldn't let her get ice cream (Mayo). And hugs just cuz (Shimmy Shimmy Cocoa Puff). Hugs!

I feel much better. Still running away...but no longer freaking out.

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Check out my May article before my newest one comes out!

New cars and trophy husbands

I view blogging kind of like Church or running. I need to do it and I feel guilty when I don't. However, I don't journal when something big is going on because I usually too busy or too emotionally distraught to write about it. (Same with running and church.)

So this is rare because, attention all readers, I am having a quarter life crisis. For perhaps the third time since college, I am in a complete and utter funk. Seriously, non-stop crying. My boss thinks I'm on crack.

Factors: complete and utter lack of direction in life. (I'm being serious. I have no idea what sort of career I want to pursue and I'm not really willing to work my way up to say a writer at National Geographic or a world-famous, well-traveled ecologist); boredom; desire to travel, explore, and otherwise shun mainstream career path as prompted by, well, utter lack of career path; lack of satisfaction in current employment; feeling that something is missing, something that I won't find by sitting around DC; the fact that all my good friends are moving on; general wishy washy nature and FEAR of the unknown; guilt (yes guilt) that makes me stay in one place, at one job, finishing out a non-specified commitment

To compound this, the boy is unwittingly playing on these factors/insecurities. (No, I haven't mentioned this to him.) Not only am I insanely jealous that he has already lived in another country for months, traveled the world, done Peace Corps, and gotten a job in Zambia for the next six months....he keeps PICKING ON THE FACT that I am an indecisive weenie. (and that I am woefully unaware of pop culture, current events, and foriegn language) To be fair to him, I haven't said anything.

Also, I met the boy's mother and she asked me what my PLANS were. If there is any question to make me run away screaming, that's it. As far as I recall, I choked and answered, "Uh. none"

Ok, so what next. Shall I suck it up and continue on the safe route through work? Spice it up with a short jaunt to Zambia (which I can't afford) or Peru? Quit my job and run away? Modify that plan with something slightly more stable like joining Peace Corps, teaching English, or being research staff somewhere exotic? Get counseling and perhaps some anti-depressants?

What am I good at? What makes me happy? What are my PLANS?

I really am seriously freaking out. Breathe.

hollow chocolate bunny o the apocalypse

Hypothetical situation:
You do something nice for someone like hold open the door, pick up what he/she dropped, or make sure the bus doesn't leave without them.
He/she does not thank you.

What do you do?

The most common response thus far is the loud, sarcastic, "You're welcome!" response. I'm not of this school of thought. Sure, it would be nice if they thanked you. It's only polite. But is that really why you did the good deed? In my ever so humble opinion, shaming them into thanking you kinda negates the good deed. (Unless it's a small child to whom you are trying to teach manners (ie drill please and thank you into their little pea brain so that they don't become ungrateful little punks.))

Today I was walking to catch the bus when it started to pull away from the curb. I started to run and someone at the stop flagged down the bus driver to wait. As I ran past this good samaritan I gasped "Thanks." He acknowledged this with a rather forceful "You're welcome." This and his next statment "You could have said thank you!" tipped me off to the possibility that he hadn't heard me. I became angry. Suddenly, this man had been transformed into my eyes from a nice guy who I was grateful to, to a whiny litle bitch.

Thoughts:
I guess he thought I was an ungrateful little bitch so perhaps we're even.
If I was chronically impolite, would I care if someone rudely answered "You're welcome!"?
Would I even notice their tone?

-----------
To J: Hitting on my friends? Smoooooth.

I'm moving to Peru

because the voices told me to.

-----------

I got this letter today (well, yesterday, but I read it today)...
"Greetings from the Heights on Dolphy Day 2006!
In case you haven't heard, the Grand Wizard has proclaimed that today,
April 20, 2006 is Dolphy Day. And for the first time in 35 years, the Grand Wizard is a woman!
It is low 70s, not a cloud in the beautiful blue sky, there are bands playing on stage, students enjoying games including volleyball and basketball, and the spirit of Dolphy Day.
Enjoy the day - spring is here on the Heights!
Read more about the history of Le Moyne's rite of spring. See pictures from today's festivities!"

Just rub salt in the wounds why don't you!?! The "And you're stuck inside you sucker! How's that real word working out for you? Nyah Nyah!" was implied pretty heavily.

As I said to Meg, "It's Dolphy Day! I should be out drinking myself into a stupor and hooking up with college guys!" Meg of course responded in kind but for me such behavior would be out of the ordinary. For an exact transcript of the conversation look here.

That's ok Le Moyne! I'm moving to Peru!