How Peace Corps made me insufferably pretentious

My college asked me to write a short essay on my experiences in Peace Corps. They didn't give me any direction beyond that so hopefully they have a sense of humor because here goes:

How Peace Corps Made Me Insufferably Pretentious

Pretentious, defined by my big, heavy and expensive Webster New English Dictionary as "a showy display, as of wealth or knowledge," describes many a Peace Corps volunteers. I can see the shadow of doubt crossing your face so allow me to explain.

First, please take a moment to think of all the loathsome behaviors of those who continually try to impress with their greater knowledge, experience and cultural savvy. Now think of your average returned Peace Corps volunteer. Using me as an example (Bolivia '07-08), let's see how they compare...

Listen to world music: Peace Corps Bolivia introduced me to new instruments (the charrango, the tarka) and new music (the chacarera, the copla, the ever so sexy saya), some of which I loved and some of which I hope never to hear again...and many of which have made it onto my next generation iPod.
Greet everyone with a kiss on the cheek: due to depth perception and personal space issues this culturally acceptable greeting took a lot of getting used to. Now that I’m used to it I find that it keeps my pressed suits from wrinkling.
Use the word ciao: in much of South America they say "chao" to say goodbye. It's less final then "adios" and makes me seem so cultured.
Use foreign words in every day conversation, particularly from obscure third language: heck, Peace Corps taught me to speak Quechua. Where else will I use it if not at cocktail parties?
Stock your refrigerator with exotic foods: at first I did not really enjoy squeaky cheese, dehydrated potatoes, or purple corn but I will admit that I now have an unhealthy addiction to all of them. Ok I lie. I will never ever enjoy dehydrated potatoes but I am pleased that my supermarket carries them just in case I should experience a conversion. I will serves papas a la huancaina or sopa de mani with pride at my next fine china dinner party.
Pronounce foreign country names in their original language (eg, Mexico = May-hee-co): I was mocked mercilessly during my Peace Corps career for mispronouncing Chile. It won't happen again. And now I sound intelligent and word traveled.
Use the phrase "pencil you in": things don't always go as planned in Peace Corps. Meetings that you agreed to and confirmed several times may not actually happen generally due to circumstances beyond your control or cultural issues that will never fully be explained to you. It is best not to be too firm in your scheduling. It is also common to...
...arrive fashionably late: I had Bolivian friends who would invite me to parties saying "It starts at 8. You should arrive at 10." After a few months it was no longer necessary to advise me on the proper (late) arrival time, an attitude that I find has stuck. Either way I am much too busy and important to show up on time.
Name drop: by some unfortunate quirk of familiarity, most people refer to Bolivia's President Juan Evo Morales Ayma as simply Evo. Examples would include: "Evo has a really large head. Quite enormous in fact." or "Evo is the first indigenous president of Bolivia." which brings me to my next point...
Make obscure references to politics, world leaders, geographic locations, etc: I might say, in casual conversation, "Last Spring, Evo sponsored a conference in Tiquipaya on global climate change inviting environmental crusaders from all over the world." You will be impressed by how I keep my finger on the pulse of Latin American politics (and I'll never tell that I am updated by my Bolivian Facebook friends).
Say things like, "when I lived in South America...": Well I did live there! I learned a lot, met wonderful people, and started listening to chacarera, eating humintas and referring to the President by his first name. You too can become insufferably pretentious. Consider Peace Corps.

Lenni (‘03) served as an environmental education volunteer in Bolivia ('07-'08). She set up schoolyard tree nurseries and a couple of community gardens maintained faithfully by the kindergarten. She worked with the middle school to host an environmental radio show and tried desperately to get the high school interested in recycling. She was an insufferable American, eating exotic cheeses and reading English books.