Dance, Dance, yeah

Narrator: "Larry will be performing the traditional Argentinian ballad,
'The Dance of the Cucumber,' in its original Spanish. Bob the Tomato
will translate."

Larry: "Miren al pepino"
Bob: "Watch the cucumber"

Larry: "miren como se mueve"
Bob: "see how he moves"

Larry: "como un leon"
Bob: "like a lion"

Larry: "tras un raton."
Bob: "chasing a mouse."

Larry: "Miren al pepino"
Bob: "Watch the cucumber"

Larry: "sus suaves movimientos"
Bob: "Oh, how smooth his motion"

Larry: "tal como mantequilla"
Bob: "like butter"

Larry: "en un chango pelon."
Bob: "on a ... bald monkey."

Larry: "Miren al pepino"
Bob: "Look at the cucumber"

Larry: "los vegetales"
Bob: "all the vegetables"

Larry: "envidian a su amigo"
Bob: "envy their friend"

Larry: "como el quieren bialar"
Bob: "wishing to dance as he"

Larry: "Pepino bailarin, pepino bailarin, pepino bailarin"
Bob: "Dancing cucumber, dancing cucumber, dancing cucumber"

Larry: "Baila, baila, ya!"
Bob: "Dance, dance, yeah!"

Larry: "Miren al tomate"
Bob: "Look at the tomato"

Larry: "no es triste?"
Bob: "Isn't it sad?"

Larry: "El no puede bailar."
Bob: "He can't dance."

Larry: "!Pobre tomate!"
Bob: "Poor tomato!"

Larry: "El deberia poder bailar"
Bob: "He wishes he could dance"

Larry: "Como el pepino"
Bob: "like the cucumber"

Larry: "libre y suavemente."
Bob: "free and smooth."

Larry: "Pero el no puede danzar."
Bob: "But he can't ... Okay! Stop the music! What do ya mean I can't
dance? I can dance! What about Uncle Louie's polka party? Didn't you see
me dancing at Uncle Louie's polka party?"

Larry: "No comprendo."

Bob: "No comprendo? I'll show you 'No comprendo'!"

Jr.: "Mom! Dad! Look over here! Get a picture of me next to the cucumber
in authentic Argentinian garb!"

Dad: "Okay, Junior. But we'd better hurry--I think the dwarves have your
mother confused with someone else! Say 'Peas!'"

All: "Peas!"

Larry: "Escuchen el pepino"
Bob: "Listen to the cucumber"

Larry: "oigan su voz fuerte"
Bob: "hear his strong voice"

Larry: "como un leon"
Bob: "like a lion"

Larry: "listo a devorar."
Bob: "about to eat."

Larry: "Escuchen al pepino"
Bob: "Listen to the cucubmer"

Larry: "que dulce as su canto"
Bob: "oh how sweet his voice"

Larry: "la voz de su garganta perece un triar."
Bob: "the breath from his throat is like a chorus of little birdies."

Larry: "Escuchen al pepino"
Bob: "Listen to the cucumber"

Larry: "los vegetales"
Bob: "all the vegetables"

Larry: "envidian a su amigo"
Bob: "envy their friend"

Larry: "como el quieren cantar."
Bob: "wishing to sing as he."

Larry: "Pepino cantador, pepino cantador, pepino cantador"
Bob: "Singing cucumber, singing cucumber, singing cucumber"

Larry: "canta, canta, ya!"
Bob: "sing, sing, yeah!"

Larry: "Escuchen al tomate"
Bob: "Listen to the tomato"

Larry: "?No es triste?"
Bob: "Isn't it sad?"

Larry: "El no puede cantar."
Bob: "He can't sing."

Larry: "Pobre tomate."
Bob: "Poor tomato."

Larry: "El deberia poder cantar"
Bob: "He wishes he could sing"

Larry: "fuerte y ducle como el pepino"
Bob: "strong and sweet like the cucumber"

Larry: "Pero no puede ..."
Bob: "But he can't ..."

Larry: "!Ni siquiera da un silbido!"
Bob: "Can't even ... whistle! All right! That's it Senor! Come over here
and let me sing YOU a song!"

Larry: "Adios, amigos!"

Narrator: "This has been Silly Songs With Larry. Tune in next time to
hear Larry sing ..."

Larry: "Bob is really angry! I hope he doesn't catch me! It's so hard to
run with this sombrero on my head

Circuits down

Just posting this before I forget. At my current place of employment I manage the peer review process for science research before it is published. Sounds impressive, huh? Well, the fact is, it is largely automated. I push a little button on the screen and the system sends out emails that are ostensibly from me. Many people respond to these automatically generated missives with questions or comments, to which I compose a response. As I reflect on this I wonder how many authors out there think I am completely schizophrenic. One day they'll get a message to the tune of:

Dear Dr. Breshears,
This is a gentle reminder that the agreed upon date or resubmission of the revision of your manuscript "The grassland-forest continuum: how woody-plant mosaics determine ecosystem properties within sites and along gradients" [Paper #05FRN0050] is October 15, 2005. To submit the revised manuscript, click on the below link.

And then, the very next day they get something like
this:

Dave,
I'll look for your paper after October 29. We recognize the numerous
commitments that authors have. (If it happens again we'll show up at your
doorstep) Please contact me if you have any questions or concerns.

Hmmm. I wonder.

Look! A diversion!

Who doesn't enjoy a little web cartoonage to waste the day with?

A softer world. Boy do I wish I were this creative. Be sure to check out the cover letters. giggle.
Boy on a stick and Slither. For some reason this cartoon reminds me of Andrew. He's slither: the caustic, slightly depressed, realist. I, of course, am the cute, perky, idealist with the really twiggy body and big head.
Bunny.Slightly less creepy than the suicidal bunny but just disturbing enough.
Dinosaur comics. My twiggy armed and ferocious brethren wax philosophical. Stomp!
Instant Classic. I don't think this one is all that funny. Why is it on this list?
John and John. Demented, I'm sure.

And the one that started it all... Questionable Content.

The internet will ruin my life. I'm sure.

the story of my (relationship) life

accismus (ak-SIZ-muhs) noun
Feigning disinterest in something while actually desiring it.
[From Greek akkismos (coyness or affectation).]

*whisper*labia*whisper*

"Life is pain. Anybody that says different is selling something." -- The Princess Bride by William Goldman

-----------

So I took my bike on the road for the first time this weekend. It was an easy, short, downhill route to the zoo and a slow, hard (teehee), uphill slog back home. But I did learn some things:

• It is way more dangerous to ride on the sidewalk than on the road. Cars try to avoid you and (hopefully) all go in the same direction. They also tend not to mutter "get off the sidewalk" at you. It IS legal to bike on the sidewalk in DC so pttth!
• It is a real pain in the ass to wait at lights when your bike is too big. Literally. As my housemate reminded me, "At least you don't have balls."
• It is harder than it looks to steer a bike into an elevator.
• Doing it backwards doesn't help.
• Falling down is a good way to meet guys. It's also a good way to get road burn and a nice bruise. However, I suppose that gives you an excuse to show the guy your lovely ass, legs, elbow, or whatever else happens to be bruised later.

The day star! It burns!

I saw the sun today! Really! I did! I'm not kidding! Ok. I am. It was dark. Nope! Just kidding! I saw the sun today!

-----------

On the ecology listserv that my e-mail can't seem to unsubscribe from they are currently having concurrent discussions about feral cats and intelligent design. Witness what happens when you combine the two:

"I propose that we take a hint from the Feral Cat Consortium and institute a capture-spay/neuter-release program for Creationists/IDists.

This would be a win-win situation, as Creationists would be spared the heresy of participating in evolution, and the rest of us would be spared the annoyance of Creationists participating in evolution. This obviously will not address the entire problem, since Creationists will still be able to prey on wildlife...."

Teehee. Silly PhDs.

-----------

Speaking of silly:

"On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence.
We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions.
Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the White House is unable to respond to every message, and therefore this response is an autoreply.

Thank you again for taking the time to write."

-----------

Look! The sun! Hahahahahaha. Made you look.

Notes from the workplace

Some days in my workplace boredom I reflect on whether I would be better suited to a different job or organization. But then where would I hear such comments from my coworkers. A sampling from this week:

"Damn you. Damn you and your cake."
"We'll buy you a whip and a chair and set you loose."

-------

I think for my blog to be noticed it has to be about politics, knitting, Katrina, or celebrity fashion. Alas, I am doomed to anonymity.

Lenni needs...

In a LiveJournal moment, I did one of those silly Google searches: type in "[your name] needs." To be real LJ you're supposed to bold the true ones and italicize the wanna be true ones and highlight the could be but'll never be true ones or some such nonsense. But this is a blog! A highly intelligent social commentary!

Plus, Google only had like three Lenni results...

lenni needs to have a pre-frontal lobotomy right away
lenni needs money and she cannot, CANNOT let herself give her any more!
lenni needs to get to work

It's all so true!

------------

Factoids that I learned this weekend:

In an effort to be more reflective of the times, Bible manufacturers have come up with the cyber Bible. This Bible, while faithful to the text and meaning of older versions, will replace words with online spellings. For example, create will be come cre8. (And God will say LOL as he smites His people.)

Men do not generally enjoy going to Church. (Perhaps this is because they can't wear their fancy dresses and new hats there.) Some random Christian denomination (next time I'll pay more attention) has decided to combat this trend with MANLY-Church. The Church meets in an old school gym and features artistic touches such as pine trees, a tent, and taxidermied animals. The men have fellowship around coffeee and donuts, and engage in prayer huddles. (No word yet on God strippers)

Women who are more intelligent are less likely to get married. For every ten points added to the average IQ, women decrease the likelihood of marriage by 60%. (I'd write something witty here but I'm too depressed by my old maid status.)

------

I'm wearing my happy sweater today.

S-P-A-M

"So go and forget your O-S-C-A-R. There's one meat by-product that's best by far.
It's...."

Hey, I have a great blog here! You should definitely bookmark me! I have FREE leads for your business. Hey, these are free for the asking. All you need to do is visit my website. Come and check it out if you get time :-)

"Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!"

I wanna hippopotamus for Chriiiiiiistmaaaaaas!

Only a hippopotamus will do. Really. Just a hippo. And a sports bra, long sleeved t's, work clothing (particularly nice long sleeved items with no collars), bedding for queen bed (primary colors), some sort or organizer thingie for jewelry, girl's bike seat, bike light, bike mirror, bike lock, dangly earrings (keep in mind i have a small head), maid service, ibook, ipod (or even a discman), adaptor for car, film, zoom lens (for Canon AE-1), lab time (or my own lab!), digital camera, picture frames, cds and books (see me for guidance), skis, trouser socks, gum, and a pony.

I'm a selfish bastard. Anyway hippos eat 100 pounds of vegetation a day. I couldn't afford to feed it.

Oh! And Happy Birthday Joey! Do you have a wish list prominently displayed in cyber space?

Bubble Gum & Spilled Soda

Recently, the Vatican announced that they will no longer accept gays in the priesthood. Iiiiinteresting. This caused a few questions to pop into my little pee-brain. What about the gays that are currently members of the priesthood? Will they be grandfathered in? Will the Vatican adopt something akin to the Army's "Don't ask. Don't tell?" And how will this reflect on the general Catholic sentiment that gays are okeydokey as long as they don't actually screw other people of the same sex? Aren't gays just supposed to ignore their sexual needs, accept God, and live a life of prayerful meditation? Sounds like a priest to me.

Speaking of sticky situations check out Peanut Butter & Tape