Stupid things

- MySpace has announced their new campaign to prevent known sex offenders from using the site. All ex-cons will have to register their email, which will then be banned from the networking site. -- Why can't a pedophile create more than one email addie? Soon Iheartboys@hotmail.com will be out stalking again.

- W (George W) has received feedback on his plan to "stay the course" in Iraq. All reports so far have been negative. W has decided to ask around a bit more.

- In Congress, there has been a recent push to make hunting legal for the visually impaired. "Because all people deserve to experience the fun of hunting." -- do I need to explain why this is stupid?

-Boys.

"I had a fantastic weekend."

And I am indeed alive. And not married.

On that bandwagon!

the iPod Meme.

How does the world see you?
In the Waiting Line (Zero 7)

Will I have a happy life?
Stephanie Says (the Velvet Underground)

What do my friends really think of me?
Nightswimming (REM)

What do people secretly think of me?
Wishing Well (Phantom Planet)

How can I be happy?
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Tan Dun and Yo Yo Ma)

Will I ever have children?
How Could You Want Him? (Spin Doctors)

What is some good advice for me?
Thrice All American (Neko Case)

How will I be remembered?
She Loves Everybody (The Verve Pipe)

What is my signature dancing song?
When You Say Nothing At All (Allison Krauss & Union Station)

What do I think my current theme song is?
Loretta (John Prine singing Townes Van Zandt)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Ageless Beauty (Stars)

What song will play at my funeral?
What Really Goes On (Tribe Called Quest)

What is my day going to be like?
Winding Road (Bonnie Somerville)

----------
Well that was completely pointless. Are you sufficiently impressed with my varied musical tastes? And in case you care my signature dancing song is Canned Heat (Jamiroquai) and the song to be played at my funeral is Lacrymosa (Mozart), maybe even the entire Requiem. My current theme song is Time Bomb (the Format) but not for its lyrics or maybe Better (Regina Spektor)....but my housemates would think Inches and Falling (the Format) because I sing it incessantly. "I love love. I love being in love. I don't care what it does to me."

Take that So-and-so!

When I was growing up (and even now) my parents would always read the community announcements in the local newspaper. Soon it became a big joke. "So-and-so made the Dean's List at a prestigious university. Why can't you be more like So-and-so?" or "So-and-so just signed a multi-million dollar contract with an internationally renowned company. Why can't you be more like So-and-so?" or "So-and-so just got married and gave birth to a three head baby boy. Why can't you be more like So-and-so."

My sister has drafted the following press release..."Lenni '03 of Washington, DC, swell person and spiffy dresser, was much sought after by United States Peace Corps. She is leaving an editorial position with ESA to provide edification and illumination to poor, starved masses in Bolivia. PS, she will be saving the environment too."

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Ed note 12/6: After a coworker found this mock press release in a Google search, I feel compelled to specify that it is most definitely an exaggeration, but sadly something that my hometown newspaper might actually print.

All circuits busy.

Processing. Please try again later.

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Goals for the year:

These goals mostly have to do with my quest to become President of the world. I need to work a little on my people skills to achieve beloved deity/President status
To use people's names when I talk to them
To thank people
To be more modest
To ask more questions in conversation

To procrastinate less
To be less afraid of making a complete ass of myself, especially when speaking in Spanish
To not cry when I get angry
To philosophize

-----------

Andrew, I'm totally not going to give you the satisfaction of reading about my various trials and tribulations.

Ah love.

Me: If you had gotten that job at MoveOn...I would have a crush on your boss
MeggieMae: lol
Me: he was a bit serious so it would have resulted in a tumultuous breakup
Me: i hope that doesn't disturb you at the workplace much
MeggieMae: lol
Me: he asked if i could call on monday or tuesday and i answered "nope"
Me: he then asked what i do when i'm not on the phones
Me: i wasn't sure if he was affronted that i have other things to do, or if he was really curious, or if he wanted to know if i had time for a romp in the copy room
MeggieMae: lol

The Edge of the world

I have not yet fallen off! (that will happen in January) But what have I been doing? Here is the long awaited update back by popular demand (ok the demand of two people...and my mom.)

10/18 I attended a conference on pollinators...y'know birds and bees.
My mom once taught me something about birds and bees but I had no idea what she was talking about. (I used that line on someone and they asked incredulously how I learned. I answered "trial and error." Fell flat.) Besides that, the conference was amusing on many levels. I did not want to attend originally because a former supervisor was going to be there. This supervisor used to treat me like dirt and made it very very clear that I was many levels below him. He was falsely cheerful and had no appreciation for my dry wit (I mean really). Anyhoo, I decided that I would be uber-professional, dressed the part, and was all set to schmooze on behalf of my organization. Unfortunately I was waylaid into turning the lights on and off between speakers....relegated to underling yet again because I look eternally youthful and energetic. However, I did achieve a certain notoriety as "Lenni the impromptu lighting specialist" and one of my colleagues called my former supervisor a shmuck.
Another tidbit y'all might enjoy: the MC kept asking us to give the speakers a "pollinator welcome." I truly expected the crowd to make finger antenaes and buzzz.
I learned some neat things: There are 54 bumble species in North America. The Post Office gets 50,000 requests for special stamp series. And in certain parts of China, all the bees are gone so people have to hand pollinate. (insert dirty joke that I haven't thought through here)

10/18-10/21 I tutored, had two lovely dinners, got a bad haircut

10/21-10/26 I went to Philamadelphia for the Geological Society of America meeting. I spent most of my time thinking up bad geology jokes. "I want my drink on the rocks", "I bet you're rock hard", "All my faults are normal", etc. I did eat a cheese steak and visited the Liberty Bell. Oh and worked of course.

10/27-10/28 Besides partying a bit too hard on Friday (Hi Laur!), which rendered me unable to party as hard on Saturday (Hi Meg! Hi crew!) I sat by the front door waiting for the mail. I have officially been invited to Peace Corps Bolivia! I will be working as an Environmental Educator in the Natural Resources Program! I leave the end of January so get as much of me now as you can. I have found that Peace Corps has served admirably as both a pick-up line and a go-away line. (By the way this blog is not affiliated in any way with the Peace Corps and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the US government and really I don't party that hard. I just stayed up late.)

10/29 Boo at the zoo. I heart Halloween. I love the excitement, the crisp weather, making a costume, walking around the neighborhood etc. I was a smidge depressed at the apparent lack of homemade costumes. I was surprised to see that the TMNTurtles and the MMPRangers are still around. And I was a little upset to learn that my station at Boo was giving away Tootsie Rolls, which I loathe.

This week has been crazy busy as will next week. Don't forget to vote and if you wanna come to the regina spektor concert with me please drop me a line.

~woot~

Back by popular demand...

I was cleaning my room and directly before I inhaled a crap load of dust, I found some po-ems I wrote in my last writing class. Ah angst-filled free verse. Enjoy...


Home
is where the heart is
is where the eye is
of the storm.

Is that the calm part, the eerie silence, the greenish indescribably Crayola sky, before wind whipping reality hits?
an interlude if you will.
a microcosm of charming suburbia sheletered from the big bad real world.

Yet like the eye, eerie in its silence,
(atmospheric) pressure building.

---

"I am growing children not a lawn."

Peppered with mossy spots
the favorite soft cushions of childhood reflections.

Roots protruding above the ground
from a tree we dared to climb scurrying and chattering, squirrel-like.

Onion grass, the weedy chives
a bite to nibble as an afternoon snack.

Ant hills, sandy mountains rising above the grassy plain
from our child's eye view, intricate civilizations to observe.

The lawn was indeed fruitful.

---

4 children + 2 parents = crowded bathroom

Yellow and white tiled, sunbeam sink, citron toilet, and a banana bathtub with tiny red fish adhered to the bottom, permanently swimming under little feet.
Grubby towels hang, stained with childhood adventures.

Potty training, science experiments, haircuts.
Alternately a private retreat or a crowded metropolis of teenage angst.
Are you decent? Can I brush my teeth in here? Would you hurry up!

----------

I'll follow this with news of pollinator welcomes, Philamadelphia, and Bolivia as soon as I can. View my trite creations as a placeholder.

A genius that man!

"listen to the musn'ts child, listen to the don'ts. listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. listen to the never haves, then listen close to me. anything can happen child, anything can be." ~shel silverstein

You have been judged...

...and you have been found wanting. So one of the many J's told me about a splendiferous website called Shelfari. Here you can set up a bookshelf so that others can see what books you're reading or what you recommend...and then judge you. All without setting foot in your house. Of course, I couldn't resist another internet gimmick and I signed up. Check out my favorites! My profile name is Lenni.

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Quote of the year, "Change comes from small initiatives which work, initiatives which, imitated, become the fashion. We cannot wait for great visions from great people, for they are in short supply...It is up to us to light our own small fires in the darkness." ~Charles Handy 1994

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Oh and one more thing. A coupla weeks ago I was out with my girlfriends when I met up with this guy. And although he disappeared the instant I made it clear that I wouldn't sleep with him (despite his oozing charm and general hotness) he said something that stuck with me. He mentioned how he recognized some of my friends from the last time he saw me and was impressed that I had friends who would come out with me every weekend. So THANK YOU LADIES!!!

101!

Today is my 101st post. I was planning to say something witty and insightful but you know how plans go. (Actually I do have a tasteless joke about Foley if you care to hear.)

News: Medically cleared for Peace Corps! Went to a horrifically stilted alumni event. Hung with Meggie. Tutoring starts again. Am stupidest person in my Spanish class. No doubt.

Um. That's about it actually.

Anyone wanna go hiking with me this weekend?
Also, anyone have anything hooded and red...cloak, sweatshirt etc?

Here's your sign

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu gggggggggggggggggggg gggggggggg hhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhh hhhh!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

This has been brought to you by poison ivy.

Y'know those cute shirts, with the, like, road signs that say, y'know, "Slippery when wet" or "Dangerous curves"? I need one that says "Mixed Signals."

When I think about it further I also think "wide load", "do not follow", and "do not enter" might also be marketable.

Cover your ears.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUU UUUUUU UUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUU UUUUUUUU UUUUUUU UUUUUUU UUUUUUGGGG GGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGG GGGGG GGGGGGGGG GGGGG GGGHHHHH HHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH HHHH HHH!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

This has been brought to you by the Doc, Peace Corps paperwork, missing Pink Martini, a very warm office, Chinese farmlands, and the Jewish New Year.

And just so you don't think I'm completely nuts (ha!) I'll change the subject. Last night I saw a commercial for a weight loss oatmeal "specially formulated" to make you feel full. I hope it doesn't cost more than regular oatmeal.

Still breathing.

Ironic no?

"Ima Robot return with MONUMENT TO THE MASSES. The entire album, including 'Creeps Me Out,' which is a true story about one of Alex’s groupie/stalker girlfriends, can be heard now at their Myspace page."

I've been blogged!

It is very dangerous to blog about other people. You may cause a total Harriet the Spy moment where others find out that you view them as a horrible no good person.

In which he tells his loyal readers about our date
In which I do not call him back
In which I am written off as a dating possibility
In which I FINALLY call back and hang out with him until 2AM
In which he recaps
In which I am a horrible, no good monster who eats boys' hearts

~Fin~

In the interest of oversharing...

...I had yet another doctor's appointment today. (Peace Corps physical complicated by newly diagnosed asthma) My doctor was reading my results from my pulmonary function test and was especially tickled when he read, "Patient cooperative but poor effort." Making a slap on the wrist motion, he remarked that it sounded like elementary school. I admitted to cheating on my PFT but pointed out that the technician fudged the results....causing a different doctor to hypothesize all sorts of bogus things like blocked trachea or hole in windpipe. Anyhoo, he's making me take the test again but we've decided that if I screw this one up he'll write on my Peace Corps paperwork, "Cannot follow directions. Cheats. All around bad person."

He also wondered why the Peace Corps insists on torturing me. I said it's all worth it if I don't drop dead in the jungle. "Well you could still drop dead. It just won't be from asthma!"

loot, loot, and more loot.

Happy Birthday to me! Thanks to all my friend for coming out with me. "A good time was had by all." Or at least by me, and that's all that matters. I got...
- a promotion...I am now almost officially the new Assistant Editor.
- a stawberry tart...which I still haven't eaten.
- an iPod...it's so pretty! one day I'll use it.
- a cupcake...free from CakeLove!
- Indian food...my choice, not technically a gift cuz there were three of us who's birfday it was and therefore unfair to insist that others pay for my meals and/or drinks.
- a crown...proclaiming my birthday, which I passed over to Josh at midnight for his birthday
- a donut...free at KrispyKreme! which I didn't actually eat and I hope Annie remembers is in her bag
- booze...I don't recall paying for any. I do recall getting carded when I ordered water. huh?
- darts and dancing...both of which I'm not too spectacular at
- birthday kiss....sssh
What more could a girl want?

In other news, the boytoy is famous! At the risk of sounding like my grandmother...he looks thin. Don't let the serving nature of the article fool you...he is totally on safari this week.

Are you writing this down?

Several interesting conversations have transpired this week:

The following two are the result of a phone call from my brother who admitted that he's so strapped for cash that he's wearing a pair of boxers that belonged to my exboyfriend. The exboyfriend in question has denied that these are his underwear so...
Me: the underwear mystery deepens
Ex: Perhaps the world will never know.

Trying to rationalize the fact that there may be more than one male who's boxers I'm in posession of...
Me: i have a confession: i'm a boxer stealer
Brother: you......
Me: i sneak into dorm rooms and wear them on my head, running around campus whooping. i can't stop!
Brother: well you left campus...
Me: but i live near one now!
Brother: true. run away. quickly. with no britches on your head

On a not-so-related note my father sent a letter revealing that he has discovered where the little lost socks go.

Previous to this I mentioned my concerns about medical clearance for Peace Corps (Environmental Ed! Latin America! January! woohoo!)....
Brother: make sure you didn't have sex with anyone for money that lived in africa while raising monkeys at 400 feet below sea level while spontaneously injecting heroine

Aren't you glad you asked?

It should get its own zipcode

My zit is so large it has its very own pulse.

---------

So Lenni, what have you been up to? Well, I went to Memphis for the big bad Annual Meeting.
I worked (registration, folded a gazillion tshirts, sat in boring scientific sessions)
I partied (but not too hard)
I froze (inside it was 30 degrees)
I melted (outside it was 300)
I lost my wallet (and found it..after cancelling all my cards)
I didn't see too much blues (but I did go to BB King's)
I didn't eat too many artery clogging foods (which was hard to do)
I didn't freak out when people called me sweetie (which everyone did)
Also got a massage (with the masseuse making disapproving noises about my general muscle tone), cried over a pizza, visited the Rock n Soul museum, waded in a scale model of the Misssissippi, and didn't get my daily required amount of sleep.

And the weekend...How was that? Well, when I got home I cleaned, shopped, and went to a party with thirty bazillion post-college yuppies (shout out to Astrid, Margie, and Muffy!..I'm serious...except for Muffy) and got twenty bazillion dagger looks for showing up in ripped jeans and a t. It was a social experiment!

And I went hiking. The Billy Goat Trail was not quite as "strenuous" as I expected. And got an echocardiogram. That gel is cold! My heart is, has been, and hopefully always will be just ducky.

-----------

Dudes! Friends should not be allowed to have birthdays on the same weekend! I don't have enough friends to compete with someone else's party!

the briefest of updates

i'm not dead.

Grrr.

I am angry at my eldest sister. She is a big booger. The biggest.

Squeee!

Squeee! "Squee can be an exclamation, or interjection, of excited happiness or surprise, especially when referring to fangirls, or be a squeal of glee over something incredibly cute."

I bet Squee! in Spanish is still Squeee! Actually it's probably Esquee.

-----------

Quote of the week: "How do you expect to sleep with the lead singer when you leave before the end of the show?"

I think this is an excellent example of how we must stick to our dreams. Believe! Stick it out (to the end of the show)! Do (the lead singer)!

I for one am embroidering that on a throw pillow.

just like leggings

I'm a trendsetter! Or a follower...whatev.

"College graduates, shaped by such events as Sept. 11, Hurricane Katrina and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, are applying to service organizations such as AmeriCorps and the Peace Corps in record numbers."

Interview on Friday. ssssh.

Smorgasbord

An interesting assortment of weekend activities...

Out with the girls for a pint at the Brickskeller (one. singular. from the world's largest beer list. savor each one.), learned all about oil drilling, practiced a little French, danced to AfroCaribe, ate phenomenal Greek/Turkish food at Zaytinya (phenomenal!), saw Pirates, celebrated ButterStick's birthday, got interviewed by some Girl Scouts, and still had a fair bit of time to sit around doing nothing.

Ah. Technology.

Andrew: Read an article the other day that made me think of you.
Me: scared to ask the topic of said article
Andrew: They built a phone with a breathalizer in it. Let's people know if they're ok to drive, but also disables certain numbers to prevent drunk dialing.
Me: i heard that!

-----------

I'm back from the wilds of South Carolina! Three days of breakfast, beach, lunch, beach, dinner, beach, sleep. Aaaah. Charleston is byootiful. Penny's fam damnily is lovely. And I apparently have some heat-related skin condition that makes me itch like a mofo.

----------

Absence makes the heart grow fungus.

I wanna be a zamboni driver.

Dude! (or "Fufe!" as I originally spelled it) You can buy your very own backyard zamboni! That is uber cool! By the way, uber is my new over-used word of choice.

Last night, I went to Dahlia's for their inaugural College Night. What better place to pick up young impressionable men? But really it just cemented my belief that I am an old soul (Polite way of calling me uptight) and that college students, particularly ones from DC, are insufferable with their popped collars. and trust funds. I shouldn't mock the moneyed (monied?) as I broke out my brand-spanking-new high-tech see-through cash-back credit card. I made a whole half a cent last night! Sadly, this is probably more than the interest on my savings account. (I have a savings account...see I really am old!)

Funfunsillywilly

It's always exciting to find undeveloped rolls of film! Whatever could the photos be of? Well they could be of...

Eastern market,

the National Cathedral, outside...

and in!




And once I figure out how to rotate some photos, more will appear. Stay tuned for more Cathedral, flowers, the boy, and sheep (mmmm sheep).

For Sale

In an effort to reduce the distractions in my life I have decided to sell some of the more superfluous things that I have.

For sale: one pair of ovaries and associated accoutrements, good condition, lightly used, have at least another 20 years on them.

May be willing to sublet. Can throw in appendix.

How many Newberry Honor books have you read?

So this post previously had an entire list of the Newberry Award winners with the ones i've read in bold so that I can show off to you how well read I am...in children's books. As It was pretentious and a waste of space you'll just have to go to the list by yourself.

Read: 53 of them
Still own: 23

Hang on Little Tomato

The sun has left and forgotten me
It’s dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I’m gonna drown in a sea of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don’t know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you’re feeling all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside you and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it’s dark and not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you’ll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something’s coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to this advice
When change is hard and not so nice
If you listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

~Pink Martini

Beeeeep....

So I just found this website. Ostensibly it's an NPR project to collect people's voicemails.

As they site says, and I'll repeat, "C'mon, you know you've got one. If you're like me, you've got some voicemails you've been saving on your phone for ages. For instance, right now I’ve got one from my boyfriend, followed by my friend talking in a funny accent, followed by my mom telling me to come home for dinner. Each voicemail is its own, full-length story; a time capsule of earlier parts of my life. Now I’m collecting other people’s favorite voicemails--happy, sad, ridiculous--to eventually showcase on NPR. I'm calling it The Voicemail Project, and I think it's going to catch those little fleeting moments of our everyday experience."

I actually only have two saved messages on my machine. Neither of them are particularly fascinating or funny: a call from my sister with a name of some Peace Corps guy and the boy calling about something or other.

But it made me reflect on the messages that I've left and that have been left on my voicemail. Hooray for the most obnoxious rendition of Happy Birthday ever, "She's waaaaaaaatching me. She's eeevil!", and of course minutes of dead space from me to you.

half a woohoo!

I'm published again. Ok. I know they have to publish me becuase I work here but it's still exciting. On more and I'm press! Three Woohoos! go go marine zooplankton

Authors have decided to declare this day "annoy the editor day and cause her to lose her mind." Minus one quarter of a woohoo.

The editor in question puked this morning. Who loves hot weather, dehydration, nasal drip (yum), and the aftermath of sushi and beer? Minus one quarter of a woohoo.

One more day with the boy. Minus two wohoos.

But I'm looking forward to woohoos to come.

And I quote...

"Yes. I am interested in the chair with the orange cushion listed for 3 dollars. Could you please describe in more detail. My entire house is outfitted in orange furniture. I think I have just the place for this in the den next to my orange toshiba tv. Is it more of a mango color or closer to pumpkin?? Please be as exact as possible. It is imperative that I have the right shade of orange. Also, are you willing to negotiate or barter? Three dollars may be a little to steep for me. I could pay in installments however. Or I have a chair with a green cushion I am willing to trade (or burn, i hate green now!!).

thank you,

Herp G. Shrope"

Ah Craigslist.

The below posting is mine, feel free to buy our STUFF.

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My roomates moved and I'm selling their STUFF!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: sale-164853838@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-05-26, 9:30AM EDT


As in any group living situation, my housemates and I have unwillingly inherited a lot of STUFF. Please help us finance a sweet Memorial Day barbecue by buying this STUFF. Prices are open to negotiation. (If there are two items the price is for both of them as a set)

ELECTRONICS:
12inch TV $20
12inch TV, 1970s, may or may not work, but has a Tamagotchi keychain. $1
Bionaire air purifier $10
collection of computer speaker $5
clock radio $5
discman $2
walkman $2
Sharp stereo with detachable speakers, may or may not work $5
telephone $2
Farberware coffe maker w/no pot $5

HOUSEWARES:
2 bamboo curtains, no attachments $2
chandelier $2
Christmas cheese crock w/knife $2
metal wine rack, holds 7 bottles $5
laundry rack $2
laundry basket $2
blanket, black, furry, large (yo mama!) $2

FURNITURE:
office chair, wheels, leather-ish $7
chair, orange cushion $3
table/desk, 4x2, black wood and metal $20

RANDOM:
2 plastic pumpkin baskets for Trick-or-Treating $1
bamboo pole, 4ft, no idea what it's for $1
extra large dropcloth $1
Superman costume, adult sized $2
2 plastic sleds $5
frog poster, framed $2
under the sea poster, framed $2
wire head massager $1
milk crate $1
several binders $1
stuffed bear holding valentine $1
drawing pad $2
64 ounce Seminoles covered mug $1

BOOKS:
1916 $.25
NATO Manual $.25
Al Gore, a user's guide $.25
Scourge, the once and future threat of smallpox $1
Wickett's Remedy $1
The hungry tide $1
some random Japanese graphic novel, entirely in Japanese $.25
some random romance novel $.25
Left Behind $.25
East meets West $.25

We also have a bag of random shoes and some clothing if you're feeling brave.


this is in or around Tenleytown

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

the stars align

Hey! I left my keys in the lock of my car overnight and no one stole it! I am a lucky bastard! (most of the time)

-----------

"On the weekend of May 20 and 21, spend some time alone because you will be vulnerable to accidents and anger." ~ Virgo horoscope

If only I had read it...or cared. This weekend was definitely a rollercoaster, the kind that bangs you around making your head throb and your stomach heave, culminating in spectacular digestive pyrotechnics that offend all people within a two mile radius due to the overwhelming smell of half digested hotdogs and cotton candy.

Shall we begin with Saturday?
Original plans: help the boy pack, go to Book Expo, hang with Milkweedians (those who work at Milkweed, the largest non-profit literary press where I previously interned)
What really happened: help the boy pack, car break down, argue with boy while waiting three hours for tow truck, tow truck ride of life, not hang with Milkweedians, discover that none of the lights in my room work

And Sunday?
Original plans: go to Book Expo, hang with Milkweedians, go to Nats game
What really happened: can't get in Book Expo, get thrown out of Book Expo, not hang with Milkweedians, go to Nats game

Monday!
Original plans: get lights fixed, go to Jeopardy audition, kick ass at Jeopardy audition, work, soccer, sleep
What really happened: All of that plus some quality time with the roomies and the boy! (Oh except I went for a long run instead of soccer)

I've spared you the details because two good stories came out of this. I shall try to do them justice but just remember I have little experience with fiction, particularly character studies. (to be posted later after I have actually written them and edited them to death. Hints: One will be about the tow truck driver and the other will be about super spydom/getting kicked out of the Book Expo)

-----------
And in case you're interested, my official Jeopardy factoids are.... (drum roll please).......

1. I once got lost in Switzerland and the only words that I could remember from the German language tapes were "listen" and "repeat"
2. I have always wanted to be voice talent for cartoons
3. I've been canoeing in a snow storm.
4. I'm a published author and photographer.
5. I hike to the hightest point of DC every day.

doids de fact

How my very own sister sees me:
-you once stayed with veritable strangers while in switzerland; i don't think they spoke english
-we were insanely jealous of your ringlets when you were a kid
-you were afraid of bugs and dirt that looked like bugs and a very fake looking spider toy until you were about 3
-you used to tell people that you and joe were twins and made up a song about being the arnstein twins
-you have unusual taste in pants (per gram)
-you can recite the alphabet backwards
-you cheated on your elementary school poetry memorization tests
-you used to dream that you were playing basketball and "shoot" your stuffed toys all over the room
-your favorite defense strategy in basketball was to growl at your opponent
-you want to be a voice on veggie tales
in a water balloon fight with joe, you snuck into the house, put on a rain hat and coat and came after him with the hose
-idiosyncratic comma usage?

What Andrew thinks:
-You're a published author
-You enjoy web comics
-amateur blogger
-youngest nobel prize recipient
-you like to make up factoids.
-Oh, you know the secret to time travel.

And reader, I can't recite the alphabet backwards and I don't recall growling during basketball games. As for the Nobel Prize, it's all true.

Bits o tids

So I'm still in a stinky mood but I thought I'd share a funny conversation:

Me: i need to think of five neat tidbits about myself for my jeopardy audition...any ideas?
KT: you have a freaky fingernail
Me: ah yes. thanks.
KT: you worked at a YMCA camp. you like to write poetry. you once tried to surprise my dad and landed in the laundry basket. in 8th grade we could fit both of your shoes into one of russell's
KT: I was thinking about the hanging condoms from the ceiling incident, but that's probably not fit for Jeopardy audiences

Isn't it neat (and slightly scary) what other people think are the interesting things about you? This is a good social experiment. Help me think of five good me-factoids for Jeopardy!

Fizzle

fizzles hurt more than pops.

Hugs!

Hugs to y'all! Thanks for your positive comments and quirky solutions to my funk! Thanks to the people who unwittingly cheered me up (Meg, Dan, Rob), those who are sorely delusional about my spectacularness (J, Popcorn, Mare) and to the one and only housemate who agreed to walk six miles with me even when I wouldn't let her get ice cream (Mayo). And hugs just cuz (Shimmy Shimmy Cocoa Puff). Hugs!

I feel much better. Still running away...but no longer freaking out.

-----------

Check out my May article before my newest one comes out!

New cars and trophy husbands

I view blogging kind of like Church or running. I need to do it and I feel guilty when I don't. However, I don't journal when something big is going on because I usually too busy or too emotionally distraught to write about it. (Same with running and church.)

So this is rare because, attention all readers, I am having a quarter life crisis. For perhaps the third time since college, I am in a complete and utter funk. Seriously, non-stop crying. My boss thinks I'm on crack.

Factors: complete and utter lack of direction in life. (I'm being serious. I have no idea what sort of career I want to pursue and I'm not really willing to work my way up to say a writer at National Geographic or a world-famous, well-traveled ecologist); boredom; desire to travel, explore, and otherwise shun mainstream career path as prompted by, well, utter lack of career path; lack of satisfaction in current employment; feeling that something is missing, something that I won't find by sitting around DC; the fact that all my good friends are moving on; general wishy washy nature and FEAR of the unknown; guilt (yes guilt) that makes me stay in one place, at one job, finishing out a non-specified commitment

To compound this, the boy is unwittingly playing on these factors/insecurities. (No, I haven't mentioned this to him.) Not only am I insanely jealous that he has already lived in another country for months, traveled the world, done Peace Corps, and gotten a job in Zambia for the next six months....he keeps PICKING ON THE FACT that I am an indecisive weenie. (and that I am woefully unaware of pop culture, current events, and foriegn language) To be fair to him, I haven't said anything.

Also, I met the boy's mother and she asked me what my PLANS were. If there is any question to make me run away screaming, that's it. As far as I recall, I choked and answered, "Uh. none"

Ok, so what next. Shall I suck it up and continue on the safe route through work? Spice it up with a short jaunt to Zambia (which I can't afford) or Peru? Quit my job and run away? Modify that plan with something slightly more stable like joining Peace Corps, teaching English, or being research staff somewhere exotic? Get counseling and perhaps some anti-depressants?

What am I good at? What makes me happy? What are my PLANS?

I really am seriously freaking out. Breathe.

hollow chocolate bunny o the apocalypse

Hypothetical situation:
You do something nice for someone like hold open the door, pick up what he/she dropped, or make sure the bus doesn't leave without them.
He/she does not thank you.

What do you do?

The most common response thus far is the loud, sarcastic, "You're welcome!" response. I'm not of this school of thought. Sure, it would be nice if they thanked you. It's only polite. But is that really why you did the good deed? In my ever so humble opinion, shaming them into thanking you kinda negates the good deed. (Unless it's a small child to whom you are trying to teach manners (ie drill please and thank you into their little pea brain so that they don't become ungrateful little punks.))

Today I was walking to catch the bus when it started to pull away from the curb. I started to run and someone at the stop flagged down the bus driver to wait. As I ran past this good samaritan I gasped "Thanks." He acknowledged this with a rather forceful "You're welcome." This and his next statment "You could have said thank you!" tipped me off to the possibility that he hadn't heard me. I became angry. Suddenly, this man had been transformed into my eyes from a nice guy who I was grateful to, to a whiny litle bitch.

Thoughts:
I guess he thought I was an ungrateful little bitch so perhaps we're even.
If I was chronically impolite, would I care if someone rudely answered "You're welcome!"?
Would I even notice their tone?

-----------
To J: Hitting on my friends? Smoooooth.

I'm moving to Peru

because the voices told me to.

-----------

I got this letter today (well, yesterday, but I read it today)...
"Greetings from the Heights on Dolphy Day 2006!
In case you haven't heard, the Grand Wizard has proclaimed that today,
April 20, 2006 is Dolphy Day. And for the first time in 35 years, the Grand Wizard is a woman!
It is low 70s, not a cloud in the beautiful blue sky, there are bands playing on stage, students enjoying games including volleyball and basketball, and the spirit of Dolphy Day.
Enjoy the day - spring is here on the Heights!
Read more about the history of Le Moyne's rite of spring. See pictures from today's festivities!"

Just rub salt in the wounds why don't you!?! The "And you're stuck inside you sucker! How's that real word working out for you? Nyah Nyah!" was implied pretty heavily.

As I said to Meg, "It's Dolphy Day! I should be out drinking myself into a stupor and hooking up with college guys!" Meg of course responded in kind but for me such behavior would be out of the ordinary. For an exact transcript of the conversation look here.

That's ok Le Moyne! I'm moving to Peru!

Irony

As defined by Wikipedia: Irony is a form of speech in which the real meaning is concealed or contradicted by the words used. Irony involves the perception that things are not what they are said to be or what they seem. Dramatic irony lies in the audience's deeper perceptions of a coming fate, which contrast with a character's lack of knowledge about said fate. A common metaphor for using irony is to "have your tongue in cheek".

Interesting. I would have used "tongue in cheek" as a definition for "facetious." But that interpretation of it is very hipster, as is the obsession with Wiki.

Merriam Webster: (1) a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning -- called also Socratic irony (2) the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning; a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony; an ironic expression or utterance (3) incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result; an event or result marked by such incongruity; incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play -- called also dramatic irony, tragic irony

Ironically, Princeton defines "facetious" as "tongue in cheek."

Today I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said "Warning: New Jersey Driver." As a New Yorker moving down to Maryland, I was particularly horrified by the quality of driving. Apparently, the residents of "the free state" take freedom to all new levels. So, the bumper sticker, ironic or facetious eh?

-----------
Ironically, I started this blog as a forum to rant, rave, and froth (just a bit). My lack of readership allowed plenty of anonymous opportunity for such. But I didn't really froth much. Now, with an increased readership (every little blogger's dream), even if only friends and family, I am more constained in sentiment. Or I feel I have to be. But I don't wanna! I need to rant! Ah well, there's always my journal. Pen and paper! Rock on!

-----------
Guess what!
Chicken butt!
I got a follow-up audition for Jeopardy! (shout out to Shimon for helping me cheat...I mean cram) I am taking my talent for useless knowledge on the road!
And I'm published once again! (link to follow post-embargo)
And free cone day at Ben and Jerry's is coming up!
And my Spanish class starts tomorrow!
And the new intern looks like Kevin McDonald from Kids in the Hall! (Really, this is a good/funny thing). I'm just waiting for him to cross-dress.
And yet I'm oddly cranky! Is it possible to have SAD in Spring? Or Post-menstrual syndrome? I should be used to inexplicable Lenni-funks. I'll just read "Goodnight Mr. Tom" for the gazillionth time, cry my eyes out, and be all better in a few days.

And that's all the news. (insert appropriate SNL-like sign-off here).

blah.

I have turned into my Dad. I wrote the neat little tidbits of the past day on the back of an envelope to share with you. They will most likely be less than fascinating, just like Dad's.

Last night, I answered the door and there was man in a suit standing there. The first thing he said was, "Is your mommy or daddy home?"
(I could end right there. Cuz that's funny. But I won't cuz I like to kill my stories and draw them out as long as possible.)
"Well, I'm sure they are. But they don't live here."
So the man went on to tell me about how he was in a management training program that got him off welfare, blah blah, saving children from the depths of financial insecurity, blah blah, off the streets, blah blah. "Essentially" he was selling magazines. Alternatively, I could just donate ten dollars. My neighbor Joan did it. Do I know Joan?
Rather than explan that Joan probably wipes her ass with ten dollars every day, wheras I am not that fiscally liberal, I declined to purchase a magazine or donate money. I did offer to check some of the charities out (a compromise, eh?). However, he answered. "You don't want to help the children? Oh my God. I can't believe you." And walked away.

So then on the ride to work I saw/heard some interesting things.
- an Idaho license plate. Their tagline is "Famous potatoes." Sad. Just sad.
- Dr. Tattlebottom and his magical silicon. The good doctor is a plastic surgeon (if you hadn't gathered that already). I think the name is appropriate in many ways. "Do you have a tattle bottom that swings and sags? Let Dr. Tattlebottom take care of that! He won't tattle about your bottom!"
- The commercial for the good Dr. ended with "Can you imagine getting breast enhancement for $250? TOYOTA!" Hmmm.

Wow. completely uninteresting.

Famousosity

My press release has been...released! It has been edited to a style that is not entirely my own but I'll live. Mostly because it has been picked up by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (Intelligencer?) and is rumored to have been picked up by the LA and NY Times(es). And for some reason my coworkers are buying me lunch for this.

Ocean Acidification Threatens Cold-Water Coral Ecosystems

Corals don’t only occur in warm, sun-drenched, tropical seas; some species are found at depths of three miles or more in cold, dark waters throughout the world’s oceans. Some cold-water coral reefs are home to more than 1,300 species of animals, a diversity rivaling some better known tropical coral reefs. Until now, scientists believed bottom trawling – a commercial fishing method in which vessels drag large, heavily weighted nets across the bottom – to be the greatest threat to cold-water corals. Now, however, a new study published in Frontiers in Ecology and the Environment suggests that human activities could be threatening cold water reefs in another way.

Lead researcher John Guinotte, a marine biogeographer at Marine Conservation Biology Institute (Bellevue, WA) and colleagues say that increasing amounts of atmospheric carbon dioxide (CO2), driven by the burning of fossil fuels, are dissolving into the oceans, causing them to become slightly more acidic. This change in seawater chemistry could harm deep-sea calcifying animals like corals.

Cold-water corals that make their skeletons from aragonite – a form of calcium carbonate (the main component of limestone) – are most vulnerable. Cold-water, reef-building corals are prevalent in the North Atlantic, where there is a deep layer of water supersaturated with aragonite. In pre-industrial times, more than 95 percent of cold water reefs around the world were found in waters supersaturated with aragonite. However, this layer of supersaturated water is shrinking as concentrations of CO2 increase.

“Scientists have known for years that shallow-water tropical coral reefs are threatened by both warming oceans and chemical changes in seawater caused by the build-up of CO2 in the atmosphere. Above-average seawater temperatures have caused coral bleaching events throughout the world, and the calcification rates of corals exposed to more acidic conditions in laboratory experiments have shown worrisome declines,” says Guinotte. “But now we suspect that this increase in CO2 will have a detrimental effect on cold-water corals as well. Cold-water reefs are at greater risk than shallow-water reefs because colder waters are naturally less hospitable for coral growth.”

The uptake of CO2 by oceans initiates a series of chemical reactions that increase acidity and decrease carbonate ion concentration in seawater. Corals and other marine organisms (e.g. some species of plankton and mollusks) use carbonate ions to build their skeletons or shells. Model projections indicate that by 2100, only 30 percent of cold-water reefs will still be in waters supersaturated with aragonite. With fewer carbonate ions available, there could be a dramatic reduction in the growth of both the corals and marine plankton species that make their shells from aragonite. As the oceans become more acidic, corals are expected to build weaker skeletons, a process similar to osteoporosis in humans.

Cold-water corals provide habitat for many commercially important fish species and harbor several species of sponges that produce chemicals with anti-cancer and other medicinal uses. Unfortunately, says Guinotte, just as scientists are finding out how diverse and important cold-water corals are, they are being threatened by a one-two punch.

“First, bottom trawlers smash them to bits. Then, ocean acidification will probably slow the skeletal growth and/or lead to weaker skeletons of those that remain. Ocean acidification will likely have serious and wide-reaching impacts, not only for coral ecosystems but for all life in the oceans. Many species of marine plankton use carbonate ions and occupy the base of most marine food webs, so a reduction in their numbers could lead to harmful effects throughout marine ecosystems.”

Only a decrease in the burning of fossil fuels is likely to slow this trend, say Guinotte and colleagues.

On to tens and ones!

We got odds and evens! We got odds and evens! We got odds and evens hey hey hey hey!

After about four weeks of explaining the same thing, my first grader (Clarification: my tutee. I don't have any kids that I know of) FINALLY got odds and evens. For those of you who care, I drew lines of ants walking two by two. Then we played a variation on the game war. Whoever had the even number won the hand. We verified even numbers by looking at the ant conga-line. I was very giddy.

(Side note: CentroNia is still looking for tutors. Get a first grader of your very own!)

We also read "Olivia saves the circus" and "Duck for President" which I totally recommend along with "Click, Clack, Moo", "Why animals should definitely not wear clothing" and of course anything by Sandra Boynton. I also read "Dinosaurios de Danny."

This whole bilingual thing is fascinating. For example, my first grader speaks Spanish at home and attends a bilingual school. Yesterday his teacher, in Spanish, asked him to do something and then asked that he repeat it back to her. He did but in English. I had an entire conversation with another tutor (in English) who said "pero" instead of "but." She switches back and forth for no apparent reason (unless talking to an obvious gringo like myself) ...even her 3 year old daughter does it!

It seems like a mindset thing to me. Sometimes, I have absolutely no problem speaking, reading, or thinking in Spanish. But if I get distracted I switch back to English. Although, this is a little different because I am by no means bilingual.

I may have to embrace my geekdom and read up on this. Speaking of geekdom, I'm writing another article. What do we think -- California condors or a snail threatened by coal mining?

Iiiiiiiiiii'm

awake, alert, alive, enthusiastic. I'm awake, alert, alive, enthusiastic. I'm awake, alert, alive. I'm alive, alert, awake. I'm awake, alert alive, enthuszzzzzz

Kiss me I'm Irish!

And yes, that is my backside.

fotografias

Hey! I found some photos from my 2003 research trip to the Bahamas! Actually I stole them off of someone else's photo page but whatev.



Our main mode of transportation besides walking. Let me tell you. There's no better way to get extremely sunburnt then by sitting on an open truck. It is also a spectacular way to travel through a hurricane.



Christopher Columbus was here. So were we. I'm the goofball in a yellow tank and white bandana. I mean really what was I thinking?



At the only bar on the island. Two mile walk...each way. I put lots of mileage on my
new shoes.

crushing the writer's spirit

sigh. my editor asked me to write a news story. i did but wasn't entirely pleased with my work. neither was the big bad boss apparently. not only has it been recommended that i talk to some other news writers for advice, through all the red pen scribbles i find that my news story has been pulled, forever to languish unpublished. and right after i mostly fixed it too. so, loyal reader, since the 9,000+ esa members won't get to see it, you're stuck with it. enjoy. really. do.

------
Until recently, direct comparisons of amber faunas were impossible due to sampling variability. Researchers David Penney (University of Manchester, Manchester, UK) and Mark Langan (Manchester Metropolitan University, Manchester, UK) set out to resolve this issue.

In the first comprehensive quantitative analysis of spiders preserved in amber during the Cenozoic era (beginning 65 million years ago), the study compared 671 amber fossil assemblages from the Dominican Republic and the Baltic Region. Considering that the two research sites are separated geographically by a great distance and in time by about 20 million years, one might expect a difference in the way that the amber captured the spiders.

The study, as published in Royal Biology Letters (2006; doi:10.1098/rsbl.2006.0442), characterized the preserved spiders according to family, predation strategies, and body size. Penney and Langan found the same families and methods of hunting represented at both sites. However, web-building spiders were larger in the Baltic while other predatory groups were similar in size between the two sites. The study attributes the difference in size to the structurally complex vegetation in the Baltic. Modern-day web-weaving spiders are larger in amber producing trees where they have adequate space for web support, capture, and retreat. “The fact that we’re not getting any size difference in the non-web-spinners suggests that the resin secretion was operating in the same way”, concludes Penney.

Amber fossils provide a unique insight into the ecology of the past. “The faunal assemblages that you find in the amber can be used to recreate the ecological conditions of the time”, explains Penney. “For example, the relative frequency of spider families in an assemblage will be indicative of particular climatic regimes.” Sampling uniformity will allow future comparisons in an ecological context to address interesting biological problems on a larger scale. Paleoecologists can look at what has happened to communities in the past and make predictions about issues such as climate change or habitat degradation.

Although this is the first time that such an exhaustive study of amber assemblages has been undertaken it won’t be the last. Says Penney, “I think quantitative amber paleobiology is definitely the way forward. Paleontologists have more data in the fossil record over time scales that people working in living faunas can only dream of”.
----

should i tell her that i only got a c in my one and only journalism class and vowed never to write again after that? should i say that my soul has been crushed yet again? that my talent and my parents' hopes and dreams are screaming for expression with the written word? nah. oh, and reader? the quotes are in the wrong place 'cuz we write in british style. obnoxious really. i spent my first month putting them all back in the right place.

if you're interested, I have been published. See my article on the 2006 International Wetland Symposium

Stalkerific

If you are even the slightest bit aware of internet trends you've heard of MySpace. Hell, you're probably one of my 3,000 friends. You've probably also seen the recent press coverage on skeezy older men using the website to attract victims. Several people have been arrested for "using the internet with intent of sexual misconduct." All I'm wondering: whatever happened to "using a lollipop and a panel van"?

(Must find funnier way to phrase that)

Stoopid people

Well yesterday I went to the tax office and told the woman that I'd like to set up an appointment...ten minutes of mouse clicking later (ten!) she asks me when I'd like it. In the meantime, an accountant and her client have also joined our small crowd.
Me: Tuesday or Thursday after work, around 5:30. How long does an appointment take?
Receptionist: (to accountant) How long will an appointment take?
Accountant: How long until you can have an appointment?
Me: no
A: How long is the waiting period when you get here until we see you?
Me: no
A: How long do you have to wait until we set up an appointment?
Me: No! How long does an appointment take!
A: It's different for everyone
Me: ballpark
A: I can't answer that.
Me: An estimate.
A: It depends on a lot of factors.
Me: On average? (to other client) How long did it take you?
Client: Well I had a lot of deductions.
Me: And!?! How long did it take! aaaah!
A: Do you have business income? college loans? earned interest? charitable deductions?
Me: Income, interest, charitable donations, three states!
A: Three states? So I have to file a return for three states? One for each state? Three states?
Me: Aaaaah! yes! yes! three states! how long!?
A: That will take an hour. We can give you an appointment tomorrow.
Me: Tomorrow is Wednesday. I can't do it then.

She also told me to bring my past tax return to make it faster. Unfortunately that's in NY. Upon the advice of my dear old Dad I'm going to say that I lost it when my house burnt down.

-Also-

*crash thunk thunk* UPS! PACKAGES HERE! UPS! UPS!
Me: Yes? UPS? (noticing that he has carried, in one trip, 100 pounds of boxes) Whoa!
UPS: (rolling eyes and huffing) Yeah. heavy. Do you have a hand truck?
Me: No. I'll just carry them one at a time (like you should have done you idiot!)
UPS: No, I mean I want to borrow it. For my next building.
Me: Um no. (signing signature table thingie that NEVER works) Oops sorry that's messy. The last name is Arnstein.
UPS: uhwhahuhuh?
Me: Arnstein
UPS: (rolls eyes and huffs)

-- both stories are better when I act them out with dramatic flair.

Chicken butt

...I mean guess what.

I went running yesterday! And it felt gooood. How long till I fall off the wagon again? I'm taking bets.

Thank the good God in Heaven and Jesus, Mary, and Joseph that it's Friday.

Happy half-birthday to me! PARTAAAAY! (Saturday, 9, Bedrock Billiards)

The highlights tour

OMG! I forgot to tell y'all about the St. Lou highlight!!! I MET BILL NYE!!!!! THE SCIENCE GUY!!!!

So when I was at one of the crazy press parties a fellow DC-ite (I think his name was Nate. It was one syllable. I can't remember) infomed me that Bill Nye was an attendee at the conference (The American Association for the Advancement of Science if you care). I became immediately giddy about the possibility of a brush with greatness. I mean who doesn't aspire to be a tall, gangly, bow-tie wearing scientist! He made me who I am today. Ok that's an exaggeration. 321 Contact was more influential. (And I'm not tall, gangly, or bow-tie wearing.) So we were joking around that I had to meet Mr. Nye and tell him that he was my hero. Double dog dare.

The very next day, I was wandering around the halls not attending any boring meetings when I heard that the cast of NUMB3RS was in the hizouse. I don't watch the show but I am a fan of David Krumholz and can (sadly) recite his entire film career. So I stepped into that less than boring meeting to gaze at him from afar. Mid-gaze, I saw BILL NYE! THE SCIENCE GUY!!! Post-gaze, I went up to Mr. Nye and in the fashion of a giddy school girl told him that he was my hero. He responded somewhat rudely and turned away. So I started to harumph out of there. He must have realized his rudeness becuase he stopped me to invite me to a reception. With an icy stare I responded that I had other plans. (Ok it wasn't that icy. And I did have other plans. But he was kinda rude)

I did not say hello to David Krumholz because I was afraid that I might come across as weird stalker fan. I mean really, who's a fan of David Krumholz?

The wide and wonderful city of St. Lou

And here would be a blank post.

Retitle: The wide and wonderful trip to St. Lou and all that transpired there.
2/16 6:20AM Woke up going, "Ack, ack! I'm late" when in reality I wasn't. However I rushed anyway thereby forgetting my deodorant and razor.
7:30-10:30AM Hiked uphill to metro. Took metro. Got slightly lost in metro/airport. Got unlost. Checked in. Went through security. Found gate. Got breakfast, settled, watched planes and read new book.
10:30-1:00PM Flew to Chicago. Tried to land unsuccessfully. Tried to land again unsuccesfully. Tried to land again unsuccessfully. Landed in Indianapolis. Tried not to puke (both successfully).
1:00-3:0PM Sat in airplane. Had lovely conversation with Southwest airlines representative. Tried not to puke.
3:00-3:30PM Flew to Chicago
3:30-4:00PM Ran around Chicago airport trying to figure out gate of flight. Stood in many lines. Queried why my coworker had a boarding pass and I didn't. Boarded plane.
4:00-5:30 Flew to St. Lou
5:30-6:30 Watched much luggage go by on carousel. Came to slow realization that mine wasn't there. Filed complaint.
6:30-7:30 Looked for metro. Found metro. Stood in snot-sticking cold. Got on metro going in the wrong way. Got on metro going in right way. Rode metro to hotel.
7:30-8:00 Checked in. Found that hotel had been charged to me. Got key. Went upstairs. Tried key (unsuccessfully). Tried not to cry (successfully). Went downstairs. Got new key. Went upstairs. Tried key (successfully). Had best pee of life. Realized I had only eaten one bag of pretzels and two bags of peanuts all day. Met coworker for dinner.
8:00-9:30 Ordered dinner. Waited for dinner. Waited for dinner. Waited for dinner. Tried dinner. Dinner burnt on top, raw in middle. Traded dinner in for soup. Soup too salty. Sat on phone. Called several people inadvertently. Ate crackers that came with soup. Went to bed!

2/17 (No hourly description needed) Registered for conference. Went to boring meetings. Got luggage! Ate good lunch. Went to more boring meetings. Went to press party! Ate large quantities of chocolate cake! Met neat people! Rode up the St. Louis Arch! Tried not to puke (successfully). Thanked lucky stars I only had one beer.

2/18 Went to boring meetings. Walked around in snot-sticking cold to find restaurant. Gave up. Ate in a hotel with some lovely physicists. Didn't understand conversation. Went to more boring meetings. Went to party! Met neat people!

2/19 Went to boring meetings. Found restaurant! Ate. Went to more boring meetings. Went to bar! Drank copiously! Went to party! Went on five story spiral slide! Drank!Crawled through ceiling! Climbed through things! Touched a skate! Pet a guinea pig! Met neat people! Went on three story slide! Climbed up and down things! Bruised myself!

2/20 Went to boring meetings. Had lovely lunch with coworker. Got on metro in right direction. Met neat person. Flew to Chicago. Ate dinner. Flew to DC. Took metro. (all with neat person and coworker) Hiked downhill from metro. Went to bed.

tada!

Holy crapload of work Batman!

A week and four day without hearing from your favorite little blogger. How do you people survive such things? Somehow my coworker finagled it that I got overloaded with proofs right before press day. He is smooth. However, I (smoothly) glided into his office and asked if he could take a few back. Like butter on a bald monkey.

Also, we got a neatokeen grant to publish all the workshop reports from our meeting in Mexico (pronounced May-hee-co). All those good ol' reports are being sent directly to me because apparently once you're a PhD your brain is so overloaded that you can't figure out a simple online submission system. So I have to upload manuscripts, check them, assign editors, contact reviewers, and chase the crap out of whomever doesn't bend to my will.

So Happy Tuesday!

Happy busiest day for private investigators to tail cheating sigficant others day!

Happy former pagan spring cleaning holiday where men picked women's names out of an urn and then were forced to live with them for a year day!

Happy former pagan spring cleaning holiday when women were whipped with bloody strips of goat hide day!

Ok. Perhaps the last two need a small amount of explanation. According to the gurus at the History Channel, once upon a time in a faraway land there lived a priest named Valentine. He was a neat guy and also a political subversive. When Emperor Claudius decided that single men were better soldiers than married ones he outlawed marriage. (Now lets reflect a little here. Were the single soldiers more bloodthirsty because they were bitter and had nothing to lose except a few mugs of mead and a woman of ill repute? And the married men were worse fighters because all they could do was moon about their sweetheart and the spectacular lasagna that she could prepare? Or were the married men sucky fighters because as a result of marriage (and the implied death of soul) they were completely useless? It makes a difference.) Anyhoo, good ol' Valentine defied the Emperor and married couples in secret. Tada!
Another version of the story says that Valentine rescued lots of Christians from torture imposed by the Romans. Tada!
And yet another legend says that Valentine was thrown into jail for one crime or another. In the dank and musty hole that is a medieval Italian jail, he fell in love with the jailer's daughter. He sent her a note, "from your Valentine." Tada!

Not sure how these actions get him sainthood (except the denying the lions a good meal bit) but some Pope with an unpronouncible name canonized him.

Then in a classic Catholic lets-deny-our-base-desires-and-disguise-a-pagan-holiday-as-a-religious-one, St. Valentine's Day was established. The pagan holiday in question was more unpronouncible than that Pope's name and celebrated the oncoming Spring and its associated naughty bits. To celebrate, people would clean out their houses and sprinkle a bit of flour in them. Then the men all went up to a dark cave where they sacrificed a goat and cut its hide into bloody strips. When they went back to the village they hit the woman with these strips (yum) to make them all fertile and stuff. ALSO, all the single women in the village would put their names in an urn. And the men would pick the a name out and be paired with that woman for a year. (I have no idea what happened if the numbers weren't even.) Apparently, this led to a lot of weddings after the year was up. (Anyone thinking shotgun?)

So anyway, I guess this means that the holiday was NOT invented by card conglomerates. It was invented by horny goat-herders who needed to clean their houses. But if you're still really bitter check out these cards.

I leave you with this: en Espanol casar = to marry, cazar = to hunt; esposa = wife, esposas = handcuffs. Hmmmmm.

Spin Doctor

Actually, those two words (although not in conjunction) directly apply to today.

Numero uno: Went to the doctor today. A frustrating experience as usual. She didn't have the goop for the TB test so I paid $10 for the privilege of waiting around and having my blood pressure taken. I now have to go back Monday and then Wednesday. She also asked if I've had asthma, which is something I've been concerned with lately, but didn't follow up on that comment. In the rare instance that you're worrying about me...I'm perfectly ok. (I may be dying of consumption.)

Numero two: Am writing an article on the 2006 International Symposium on Wetland Restoration. I have no idea how to make that interesting. No clue even what questions to ask my interviewees. My first published piece and the beginning of a long press career and it'll be a total dud. I just know it.

Oh! And my UPS guy is back! Siiiigh. His deep blue eyes will get me through the day! Siiiigh.

A normally reserved people, the Mittens venture out to play.

Me: and i can't find my hairbrush!!!!
Sister: maybe it is hiding out with your mitten?
Me: i found my mitten
Sister: maybe they are playing hide and seek. and the mitten had to pee so it came out of hiding and you found it. just wait. the brush will get scared, all alone in the dark closet and it will come out too.

The word on the street.

Mike Piazza is leaving his loyal Mets fan to play for the Padres. Just remember: it's not because he doesn't love us. The Padres are giving him more room to roam. They'll even let him play first base! (And they've offered $2 million, all the shampoo that his little heart desires, and a better swinger scene.) For those interested, I'm starting a support group (athletic supporters!) for those whose life cannot continue without Mike.

Also in the news today (or, um, three days ago), DC has declared January 27th Placido Domingo Day. I read this in El Tiempo Latino so I may be off a bit but they'll be displaying a friggin huge painting of him along Virginia and New Hampshire Avenues. In their "twenty questions" section, the newspaper asked Mr Placido, "¿Como le gustarria morir?" to which our operatic hero responded, "Lo mas tarde posible. En paz y tranquilidad. En el sueno..." A lovely sentiment, but who asks such a fucked up question in an interview? So Placido, you're 65 now. Happy Birthday! How do you want to die? I wonder if Placido Flamingo will get similar props on Sesame Street.

In personal news, not much happened. I finally cleaned my room. I changed a lot of light bulbs and I accompanied Meg to Hot Nuts' bowling tournie. My bowling skill is inversely proportional to my alcohol intake.

Just point your toes!

The District of Columbia. A land of milk and honey and 570,000 tax-paying, non-voting citizens. Aaaah. Hearkens back to ye old Revolutionary War days. But we all know this.

What you may not know is the newest way that DC citizens are fighting back. Mike Panetta, the District's very own renegade, (I mention him as if I'd know him if he fell on me) is crusading for DC to be represented in the Olympics. The DC Olympic Campaign hopes to send a curling team to Torino in 2008. According to DCist, this effort follows not-so-successful campaigns to allow DC residents to question Samuel Alito during the Supreme Court nomination hearings and to rename RFK stadium "Taxation without Representation Stadium." (We could call it TdubR for short!)

If you'd like to join me in this worthy cause (no sell-out MD or VA residents please), I'll be coaching the luge team. Otherwise you can free New Hampshire.

Gack! Kryptonite! Hurts!

Several things hurt today.

1)I burnt the roof of mouth on some delicious Lenni-made nachos. Two nights ago. Still hurts! Huge blister! Ack!

2)My pantyhose. Megatha already wrote about how the inventor of pantyhose should be shot. That would be Allen Gant Sr. "In 1959, Glen Raven Mills of North Carolina introduced pantyhose -- underpants and stockings all in one garment. With the addition of an opaque nylon top, panthose eliminated the need for multiple 'foundation' garments." How Allen Gant figures in isn't entirely clear. Maybe he owned the place? Note: I wasn't aware that underwear isn't required with pantyhose. I doubt that eliminating such a foundation garment would make the pantyhose more comfortable.

For those who aren't picturing me underwear-less, "In 1930, Wallace Hume Carothers, Julian Hill, and other researchers for the DuPont Company studied chains of molecules called polymers, in an attempt to find a substitute for silk. Pulling a heated rod from a beaker containing carbon-and alcohol-based molecules, they found the mixture stretched and, at room temperature, had a silky texture. This work culminated in the production of nylon marking the beginning of a new era in synthetic fibers." I've actually made nylon before. Then I wrapped it around my head and robbed a bank.

Buy some tights, compression hosiery, or other lingerie!

3)My crush! I am in full-on, second grade, throwing crayons, pulling hair, shin kicking, desperately wishing for a kiss under the monkeybars mode.

and (men-folk stop reading) 4) I think my ovaries are trying to claw their way out.

That is all.

Do your ears hang low?

Mine don't. And neither do my arms. As evidenced by coat shopping.

"There's something off about that woman."
"I think, maybe, her arms are too short?"
"Yes. that's it."
"Yes. poor girl."
"Can't even scratch her nose."

But I did find two coats eventually. One of which was in the children's section and the other of which was in a freakishly small size that you never believe people realistically wear. But I apparently do. Although not while wearing a bulky sweater or when retaining water. My housemate thinks one is still a bit large around the armpits. But screw her. She doesn't have to deal with the indignity of short arms day in and day out. (Only on certain days.)

Food, fun, and a monkey

Well this Monday was Martin Luther King Jr Day. Americans were given a chance to take the day off and celebrate the laudable civil right leader... by watching soap operas in their pjs. I'm not a big soapster but I do enjoy the opportunity to increase my arsenal of good lines. For example, "I want to sleep with you over and over and over and over again. And then, when I'm done, I want to sleep with you again." Sigh. Doesn't the heart just melt? Also witness, "If I were to bet my best Bentley... I have two you know." That should come in handy during poker games. Really, I haven't laughed so hard in a while, or course after verifying that my housemate did not take her soaps seriously. Don't want to offend y'know.

Otherwise, my weekend was taken up with not hiking, not grocery shopping, and not folding my laundry. But I did buy a pillow and three CDs (Toots, Gary Jules, and Jamiroquai) so I'll call it a productive three days.

During the week I actually HAVE been productive. I'm taking a Spanish class. Stay tuned for Spanish blogging. (Shameless plug #1: If I get three people to join my next class, my fee will be reduced. It's fun!) I'm also going to start tutoring soon. (Shameless plug #2: CentroNia needs more volunteers, particularly if you're free between 3 and 5. Training is still going on.) Now all I need is some freelance work to subsidize my language classes, sushi habit, and CD purchases. (Shameless plug #3: I am a SPECTACULAR editor! I can also write, edit HTML, and tutor everything except calculus)

Incidentally, the po-em in the previous post was copied directly from a spam e-mail, original punctuation included. A work of art indeed.

SPAM po-em

anastigmat it motherland a cellular and trouser be am on dixon not reciprocity not geography some pollute a beside it ford on immortal some codfish on dysprosium in rever and porcine may seminarian a contradictory on vulgar it host in incriminate , siesta and profuse on strange on lapse in wombat ! laymen the crankcase it's gradual in shear the shrank ! hero in shelf try emeritus may

Seeking...

...one cuddle buddy. Should be single male. I haven't decided on exact terms of relationship. Details to follow.

...one hiking buddy. Male or female. Should not be speed demon. Must put up with horrible songs learned in Girl Scouts.

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As a bit of a web-surfer (an addiction, I know) I like to read blogs that are touted as "best-ofs." This morning I came across this one which in a somewhat superior manner informs its readers that a recent British study has linked obesity to cancer....and that (shock of shocks!) fully 85% of British people are unaware of this! Imagine! Well hell, it was news to me too. You never hear, "Hey fatty! Put down that hamburger before you drop dead of... melanoma!"

The rest of this particular "best-of" was filled with poorly written, grammatically incorrect tidbits about cancer and the myriad of things that will kill you.

The reason I link to el blog-o-cancer is not so that you can learn exactly how you'll die, but rather because it has a function to track who links to it. Perhaps this will result in someone stumbling across a truly well written and informative blog...mine.

"Lenni sure thinks a lot of herself."
"Well it's justified right?"

Also newsworthy are flourescent pigs, cyclops kitten, and the Donner party overcoming their bad rap.

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As I was ordering Dominos for lunch I was informed that the company's founder (Tom Monaghan) is a hard core fundamentalist conservative Catholic. My co-worker expanded on this claim by asserting that he (Monaghan) is actively trying to overturn Roe v. Wade and prefers women to be barefoot and preggers in the kitchen. A little research showed that this was an exaggeration. However, my pizza fix did go towards funding several small villages in South America, EWTN, and the conservative Ave Maria Law School. While not exactly a glowing recommendation of his liberal character, as a Catholic, my pizza with peppers should get me a direct ticket to Heaven. My coworkers are going to Hell.

What do we want?
SOCIAL CHANGE!
When do we want it?
IN HALF AN HOUR OR LESS!

(For full disclosure: Andrew wrote the chant. Bastard. I hate when people are funnier than me. I hate most people.)

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Anyone wanna hike with me this weekend? I'm thinking the Billy Goat trail. Otherwise I've considered hitting up the Library of Congress, Ikea, and some random craft stores... or sitting around eating Ben and Jerry's and watching movies in Spanish.

Preferred Sources For Blood Meals

Interns.

Hold still intern! We need to get a picture for the website!

Whoda thunkit?

So LJ...

You Are A: Pony!

Who doesn't love a pony? You are one of these miniature horses, renown for your beauty and desired by many. Full of grace, you are a beautiful and very special animal, treasured by young and old alike.

You were almost a: Mouse or a Frog
You are least like a: Groundhog or a Bear CubThe Cute Animals Quiz

Sing it Gladys

I've really got to use my imagination
To think of good reasons
To keep on keepin' on...

Darkness all around me
Blackin out the sun
Old friends call me
But I just don't feel like talkin to anyone

Emptiness has found me
And it just won't let me go
I go right on livin'
But why I just don't know...

Lenni in bad mood. Grunt. Could be S.A.D.. Could be hormones. Could just be a plain old bad mood...still. Could be aftermath of New Years and all that old friend things-have-changed/things-haven't-changed action. I'd get all deep here but I think I'll just run away instead.