I view blogging kind of like Church or running. I need to do it and I feel guilty when I don't. However, I don't journal when something big is going on because I usually too busy or too emotionally distraught to write about it. (Same with running and church.)
So this is rare because, attention all readers, I am having a quarter life crisis. For perhaps the third time since college, I am in a complete and utter funk. Seriously, non-stop crying. My boss thinks I'm on crack.
Factors: complete and utter lack of direction in life. (I'm being serious. I have no idea what sort of career I want to pursue and I'm not really willing to work my way up to say a writer at National Geographic or a world-famous, well-traveled ecologist); boredom; desire to travel, explore, and otherwise shun mainstream career path as prompted by, well, utter lack of career path; lack of satisfaction in current employment; feeling that something is missing, something that I won't find by sitting around DC; the fact that all my good friends are moving on; general wishy washy nature and FEAR of the unknown; guilt (yes guilt) that makes me stay in one place, at one job, finishing out a non-specified commitment
To compound this, the boy is unwittingly playing on these factors/insecurities. (No, I haven't mentioned this to him.) Not only am I insanely jealous that he has already lived in another country for months, traveled the world, done Peace Corps, and gotten a job in Zambia for the next six months....he keeps PICKING ON THE FACT that I am an indecisive weenie. (and that I am woefully unaware of pop culture, current events, and foriegn language) To be fair to him, I haven't said anything.
Also, I met the boy's mother and she asked me what my PLANS were. If there is any question to make me run away screaming, that's it. As far as I recall, I choked and answered, "Uh. none"
Ok, so what next. Shall I suck it up and continue on the safe route through work? Spice it up with a short jaunt to Zambia (which I can't afford) or Peru? Quit my job and run away? Modify that plan with something slightly more stable like joining Peace Corps, teaching English, or being research staff somewhere exotic? Get counseling and perhaps some anti-depressants?
What am I good at? What makes me happy? What are my PLANS?
I really am seriously freaking out. Breathe.
Yuk Cari Tahu Layanan Pengiriman J&T
2 years ago
1 comment:
Dear Lenni,
Yes, I know you as Lenni, my dear. (It's Popcorn.) And I'm here to suggest that you try running away. It's not the most sane thing to do, but every day you do something "different" with your life you are creating experiences that other people would kill for. For example, I know you are good with kids. Why not try teaching in another country? You don't necessarily need a strong handle on the language if you find a school where you'll be teaching in English (yes these things do exist) and the bits of life you need you will pick up along the way. Is it too late to join the Peace Corps? Is that a possibility?
After spending two summers with you I have learned over that time that you are a bright and vibrant woman and are capable of amazing things. (You survived. That's pretty amazing in itself- and you did it with grace.)I have utmost faith in you that you can and will do outrageous things.
Hugs,
Megan "Popcorn"
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