Stoopid people

Well yesterday I went to the tax office and told the woman that I'd like to set up an appointment...ten minutes of mouse clicking later (ten!) she asks me when I'd like it. In the meantime, an accountant and her client have also joined our small crowd.
Me: Tuesday or Thursday after work, around 5:30. How long does an appointment take?
Receptionist: (to accountant) How long will an appointment take?
Accountant: How long until you can have an appointment?
Me: no
A: How long is the waiting period when you get here until we see you?
Me: no
A: How long do you have to wait until we set up an appointment?
Me: No! How long does an appointment take!
A: It's different for everyone
Me: ballpark
A: I can't answer that.
Me: An estimate.
A: It depends on a lot of factors.
Me: On average? (to other client) How long did it take you?
Client: Well I had a lot of deductions.
Me: And!?! How long did it take! aaaah!
A: Do you have business income? college loans? earned interest? charitable deductions?
Me: Income, interest, charitable donations, three states!
A: Three states? So I have to file a return for three states? One for each state? Three states?
Me: Aaaaah! yes! yes! three states! how long!?
A: That will take an hour. We can give you an appointment tomorrow.
Me: Tomorrow is Wednesday. I can't do it then.

She also told me to bring my past tax return to make it faster. Unfortunately that's in NY. Upon the advice of my dear old Dad I'm going to say that I lost it when my house burnt down.

-Also-

*crash thunk thunk* UPS! PACKAGES HERE! UPS! UPS!
Me: Yes? UPS? (noticing that he has carried, in one trip, 100 pounds of boxes) Whoa!
UPS: (rolling eyes and huffing) Yeah. heavy. Do you have a hand truck?
Me: No. I'll just carry them one at a time (like you should have done you idiot!)
UPS: No, I mean I want to borrow it. For my next building.
Me: Um no. (signing signature table thingie that NEVER works) Oops sorry that's messy. The last name is Arnstein.
UPS: uhwhahuhuh?
Me: Arnstein
UPS: (rolls eyes and huffs)

-- both stories are better when I act them out with dramatic flair.