Does this mean I have to shave my legs?

Hello blog.

Hello Lenni.

How are you?

Top notch. And you?

Um. good. Well...

Nice shoes. Wanna interface?

Lenni's of the world unite!

Inspired by yesterday's blog post, I decided to Google "Lenni." Allow me to inform you of all the Lenni-wonder that is going on around us every day.

Lenni is usually a female name unless you live in Finland. It also seems to be associated with Judaism... unless of course you live in Finland. Maybe Lenni Brenner's parents were confused. But then again Lenni himself seems confused. He's written several books on how Zionists somehow colluded with Nazi Germany. I haven't read any of those books so I couldn't tell you.

East Coast peeps, and No-Coast peeps (Oklahoma, I'm talking about you) have probably heard of the Lenni-Lenape Indians. I always thought they lived in NJ, PA, and NY but I have recently learned that they were relocated to OK and TX. The Lenni Lenape were also referred to as the Delaware Indians. I think I read somewhere that the Mohicans (a la Last of the Mohicans) were also Lenape. Color me confused. Anyway vestiges remain on the East Coast in the form of Lenni, Pensylvania and the Lenni Lenape Councils of both the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts

Mmmm...I just had a completely Lenni-unrelated craving for stuffed shells.

Just to make sure that you don't think that all Lenni's are sweet and innocent, I'd like to introduce you to some bad-ass Lenni's. Please welcome Lenni the bad-ass beluga and Lenni the computer virus. Check them out if you dare. Oh and remember Ghostwriter? Lenni Frazier was pretty bad-ass on that show too. Sigh. I miss that show. Tell PBS to bring it back!

Some Lenni's are musicians... Lenni Jabour and the Third Floor (apparently a Tori Amos-like, pop lounge singer sound but I couldn't listen as it required much downloading), Lenni Lakinpoikanen a four year old rapper (?) and Lenni Kalle-taipale. Both Finns!

There are Lenni artists, Lenni lawyers and even Lenni soft core Italian lesbian porn And don't forget about the Lego Enthusiast News Network Initiative!

The world is full.

------
My boss just came in to say it seemed quieter than usual in my office and that she felt she had something to do but she couldn't figure out what. I didn't tell her that I felt the same.

Angelina Jolie

The title is merely a feeble attempt at name dropping to increase traffic to my site. Otherwise, I have no plans for this particular entry.

So readers, should I take Spanish or French? Or perhaps some other exotic language? I need input. For background, I'm pretty good at accents, not so good at hacking, spitting, and rolling r's and I took Spanish in grade school, high school, and college.

Wow. I really can't think of anything else. Oh! I do have a crush on my UPS guy. My office-mate is ever so considerate to let me sign for the packages when he comes. Electronic signature tablets make my knees weak.

I also think that WMATA should have an error message that says, "You have no more money on your SmartTrip card, you boob. Don't even try to see how much negative value you can accrue. We will hunt you down and break your knee caps and take all the quarters you were saving for laundry." Instead they have, "Touch SmartTrip again." and "See Station Manager."
By the way: When you take your SmartTrip card to the Station Manager he will break your kneecaps for wasting his time. You get to keep your laundry money though.

I have decided that blogging is vastly superior to LiveJournaling. Therefore bloggers are also vastly superior.

I have a new roommate. I'll try to like her even though she's orange. I wonder if she sleeps in her makeup. She is really nice though so I must make an effort to return the niceness even though she's way more high maintenance than myself. I know! I'll buy her the correct foundation color! No Len, that was mean.

Have Pitt you Kevin Spacey noticed Harry Potter the sly Everything is Illuminated (good book) way I've NASA been Penn State sneaking in proper Sharpie trademarked Cheerios nouns?

This isn't quite as shameless but I've been listening to Minnesota Public Radio, the Current, all day long. How I missed it.

Birthday rant

This is my very first rant (some of them have been stewing for a while):

To the person who stole my cd player: You suck. And on my birthday no less! I suppose I am partially to blame for leaving such a succulent-looking $10 discman on the front seat of my car. I know I'm to blame for leaving the door unlocked. But thanks for being thorough and also stealing the adaptor and charger (oh! man! and my awesome rechargeable batteries. oh now I'm really sad) and the coins in my ash tray. That last move was really classy. I hope you enjoy the variety of Canadian change. And thanks for locking the door after you.

To my housemate: You suck. Thanks for locking me out of my house for 13 hours....while you were inside! This was especially cool because I had just returned from a week-long business trip to Canada and was tired, hot, and cranky. I find it interesting that you didn't hear me pounding on the door for two hours or yelling at you or even notice the soccer ball bouncing off your window. Especially since you nearly fell down the stairs in your rush to heed the Chinese delivery-dude's feeble tap the very next day. Remarkable hearing recovery. And you wonder why I'm still a bit angry? (I know this is a delayed rant but I'm still feeling residual anger)

To the cops: (You always have to damn the man.) I don't blame you in the slightest for the cd player. However, I'm a little worried about your priorities. My block isn't a venue for seeing how fast your squad car can go from 0 to 60. There are kids around! OK, not at 2AM but you should have at least checked out why I was throwing a soccer ball at someone's window...and yelling and pounding. I could be a shady character.

To my other housemate: You don't really suck but sometimes you're a bit stupid. Thanks for making fun of me for driving to work. Especially since you drive three blocks to catch the metro. Who's the wasteful one? And ecologist does NOT equal crazy bunny-hugging liberal environmentalist...although I may be one.

To everyone who thinks that if you do me a favor then I owe you one: I owe you nothing. Get over it. Maybe I'll help you out later or buy you a beer or something but it is NOT required. This also goes out to those who won't ask me for a favor because they think that then they'll owe me one. I'm saddened that people think this way.

To rest areas that have defective tampon machines: for chrissake! I won't give details but it really would have helped if y'all had working machines that didn't eat my last quarters leaving me soggy and angry. Pennsylvania this means you.

------
I saw the mower fairies yesterday. They were not Hispanic but Black. You get the point anyway.

----

The other day I saw an unattended large paper bag in the Tenleytown metro. I did not alert anyone. Selfish and horrible, I didn't want to have them close the metro station because then my commute would not happen. I saw other people noticed it too but they also didn't alert anyone. We would have felt horrible if it exploded.

Losing steam....

The lawn mower fairy

The masses have been clamoring for an update! And boy do I have plenty of news!

I have poison ivy between my toes! Hoo-ray!
I just bought new curtains but don't have a drill to install the curtain rod! Joy!
I peed outside in a new state! DC!
My sister's dog still hates me! Can't blame her!
I STILL have corn stuck between my teeth! Arg!
The lawn mower fairy came to visit! Yippee skippee!

Wait. The lawn mower fairy? What is that? The other morning as I was moseying to the metro station (work and all) I noticed that all the lawns in my neighborhood were neatly trimmed. "How lovely!" I thought as my mind filled with gleeful thoughts of quaint little neighborhoods with happy children skipping about. Then my thoughts were darkened by a deep suspicion. I have never seen anyone mow their lawn in my neighborhood. Ever. I, for one, don't even own a lawn mower. Was this some dark evil force at work? A demon nefariously robbing our humble block of its organic matter, perhaps stockpiling it for some creative bio-weapon? Nope! It's the lawn mower fairy! This delicate pink winged creature can be seen frolicking through residential areas eradicating unsightly grass growth. It is often accompanied by fairy work horses which look astonishingly like John Deere ride-on mowers.
Note: In all honesty, I'm exaggerating a bit. I imagine that lawn fairies look surprisingly like Latinos in matching t-shirts and jeans. But I've never seen them. They do their work in the quiet of the day.

As I think about this, I realize that the average reader was probably not quite as struck by the lawn mower fairies as they were by perhaps peeing in a new state or the dog that hates me. Well, long-story-short I was locked out of my house for 12 hours and was so angry, hot, tired, and hydrated that I wasn't thinking straight and peed in my back yard. Take that lawn fairy!

Regarding doggie hatred, I'm the current dog-sitter so I'm equated with parent-less weeks and poor dog-walking skills. In this current reincarnation of dog-sitting, I was asked to walk the dog as my sister and her husband went for a training run. (come see them in Virginia Beach at the Rock and Roll Half Marathon!) So the poor dog saw her parents run away and then was stuck walking five miles in the blazing sun with someone who walks just a bit too slow to keep up with a dog. Hey! I wasn't having fun either!

This blog is certainly not life changing.

Boys Suck

Well they do! But that's not the topic of today's post.

Today I was slacking off and reading Able and Baker where I learned that the Sun will run out of its hydrogen supply in about 5 billion years. It will then expand and engulf all of the inner planets. So why are we worried about global warming etc.? All that work when we're just gonna get sucked into the sun anyway? Pshaw....seems silly and wasteful to me.

Could our favorite little blogger's pessimism be caused by the title of her blog? Or is she just merely cranky because the air conditioning in her office broke and despite eating two ice creams she is still all sweaty and gross and now needs to brush her teeth? You decide.

My air conditioner should be taken out and shot.

There is nothing I loathe more than an overzealous air conditioner. Actually there probably are a few things but I'm so cold that my brain is diverting much of its energy to keeping my extremeties alive. I have eaten all warm foods and even made a cup of tea so hot that it steams up my eye glasses. That, by the way, makes it hard to work. I have gone so far as to contemplate stealing my boss' baked potato and keeping it safe in my pants. "Why, that bulge in your pants certainly makes you a productive worker. Where has my potato gone?"

Speaking of work, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Not necessarily the type of overwhelmed that comes from being stressed and overworked; it's more like the "i-feel-stupid" overwhelmed. "Greater canopy leaf area and height may redistribute nutrients to tree islands, primarily through evapotranspirational pumping of groundwater and higher rates of dry deposition, and this nutrient subsidy is believed to be essential for tree island maintenance and expansion." Huh?

I also have no idea what my coworkers are talking about half the time. I feel that I am perpetually being obtuse. "Obtuse" is my new favorite word....besides "hoo-ray."

Oh! the dog just ran into my door! Now I'm sure that I have litle rat-terrier bits all over my office.

Well, tonight I think I'll curl up into a little ball. If you have a comfy down or fleece blanket, or the new Harry Potter, or a Phantom Planet cd, or if you look like Jake Gylenhaal (all 4 would be ideal) then feel free to join me.

I'm not wearing any underwear.

I'm not. This isn't really attempt to be sexy. It is more a reflection of how I really need to move into a permanent house and do some laundry.

This morning I lost my wallet (and my teddy bear Mike). Apparently I am irrepressibly calm in such situations. I'm not sure irrepresibly is the right adverb in this situation because calmness is not a state that needs to be repressed. Anyway, my non-freaking-out was exasperating to others.

I found my wallet (40 minutes later; it was in the door of my car) and in a quick review of its contents was struck by the diversity (and large quantity) of credit card receipts.

• 6.29 - Victoria's Secret - Roseville, MN - $44.98
• 7.05 - B Dale Texaco - Roseville, MN - $120.22
• 7.08 - Green Lake Amoco - Green Lake, WI - $27.41
• 7.08 - Mike's Payless Auto Repair - Princeton, WI - $67.50
• 7.11 - Eckerd Pharmacy - Pitsburgh, PA - $8.55
• 7.16 - H&M - North Bethesda, MD - $35.64
• 7.17 - Metrorail - Washington, DC - $20.00
• 7.20 - HanAnReum Groceries - Wheaton, MD - $24.55
• 7.21 - Giant - Silver Spring, MD - $19.58

Missing are two receipts for rather expensive automotive repairs. (Fon du Lac, WI for approx $100 and North Bethesda, MD for approx. $750) Would anyone like to buy a car?

I apologize if this posting has wandered into the realm of oversharing.

Diversions of today include:
www.dcist.com
http://whyihatedc.blogspot.com
www.collegehumor.com

I'm famous!

Although I have already had more than my fifteen minutes of fame (mostly local news programs dutifully recorded by my loving parents) I have been yet again immortalized. . . www.livejournal.com/~megwyne At this worthy and wonderful site (slightly less-so than my own I'm afraid) my witty repartee has been recorded for all to see.

-------

At my last internship we had to circulate five factoids about ourselves that were not included on our resume. I have the urge to share with you. These are however not the original one submitted to my coworkers

1. I remembered to apply deodorant this morning but I'm afraid I neglected to brush my teeth. This is strange considering my obsession with good dental health.

2. I have a crush on an almost complete stranger. http://peisersoze.easyjournal.com Please don't tell him.

3. Someone once asked me what I was passionate about. I replied, "comfortable shoes." I'm not sure where to go with that.

4. I am rather afraid that I will be implicated in some sort of fraud. At the very least, my income taxes will be complicated.

5. My boss just used the phrase, "Get your feet under the table." I can only assume that this a British colloquialism. However, only one of my feets is currently under the table. The other is under my ass.

I have to get back to work . . apparently that's what we do here

Not so funny this one

If anyone cares, I have had some feedback on my blog:

• "Some of the best literature I've encountered in years."
• " I like your style of writing. I think you got some talent. Are you hell bent on publishing or do you have journalistic ambitions?"

One of those comments was from someone I'm not related to.

I apologize for not writing more often. However, I now have a job that I like enough to not slack off. However, however, that isn't stopping this post.

---------------

Today I was downtown (DC) and I encountered a man who wasn't wearing shoes. He seemed relatively clean: khakis, t-shirt, button down, hiking socks. His dental health was lacking and he was unshaven and sucking his cigarette to the nub . . . but still clean. Anyway, this man asked me where he could buy size 13 shoes. As I have enough trouble finding my own size I couldn't answer. It also didn't help that we were in the business district and I don't really know where anything is.

This man (I'd name him but I think that might trivialize him) told me that he had heard about a job but that he couldn't check it out without shoes. Someone had tricked him and stolen his shoes earlier in the day. He asked a few times where he could find shoes and I directed him vaguely uptown. He also asked if I could buy shoes for him, to which I responded in the negative.

I walked away but I was rather upset, almost to the point of tears. What was this man's story? What is my responsibility towards him? How could I have helped?

DC gets me down like that sometimes. It is a rare day that you are not confronted by the poverty or homelessness of another human being . . . in our Nation's capitol no less. But I kind of appreciate being faced with it. It is much harder to ignore the issues when you don't see them. So keep my shoeless man in mind. Remember the woman who makes a newspaper nest at the Tenleytown metro. Be nice to the guy who begs in Union Station because he was laid off and his wife left him. (He really is friendly.)

I know that you don't want to be supporting a drug or alcohol habit. I know that it's hard to carry sandwiches, blankets, and shoes on your commute. It's a deeper issue. One we need to investigate.