A normally reserved people, the Mittens venture out to play.

Me: and i can't find my hairbrush!!!!
Sister: maybe it is hiding out with your mitten?
Me: i found my mitten
Sister: maybe they are playing hide and seek. and the mitten had to pee so it came out of hiding and you found it. just wait. the brush will get scared, all alone in the dark closet and it will come out too.

The word on the street.

Mike Piazza is leaving his loyal Mets fan to play for the Padres. Just remember: it's not because he doesn't love us. The Padres are giving him more room to roam. They'll even let him play first base! (And they've offered $2 million, all the shampoo that his little heart desires, and a better swinger scene.) For those interested, I'm starting a support group (athletic supporters!) for those whose life cannot continue without Mike.

Also in the news today (or, um, three days ago), DC has declared January 27th Placido Domingo Day. I read this in El Tiempo Latino so I may be off a bit but they'll be displaying a friggin huge painting of him along Virginia and New Hampshire Avenues. In their "twenty questions" section, the newspaper asked Mr Placido, "¿Como le gustarria morir?" to which our operatic hero responded, "Lo mas tarde posible. En paz y tranquilidad. En el sueno..." A lovely sentiment, but who asks such a fucked up question in an interview? So Placido, you're 65 now. Happy Birthday! How do you want to die? I wonder if Placido Flamingo will get similar props on Sesame Street.

In personal news, not much happened. I finally cleaned my room. I changed a lot of light bulbs and I accompanied Meg to Hot Nuts' bowling tournie. My bowling skill is inversely proportional to my alcohol intake.

Just point your toes!

The District of Columbia. A land of milk and honey and 570,000 tax-paying, non-voting citizens. Aaaah. Hearkens back to ye old Revolutionary War days. But we all know this.

What you may not know is the newest way that DC citizens are fighting back. Mike Panetta, the District's very own renegade, (I mention him as if I'd know him if he fell on me) is crusading for DC to be represented in the Olympics. The DC Olympic Campaign hopes to send a curling team to Torino in 2008. According to DCist, this effort follows not-so-successful campaigns to allow DC residents to question Samuel Alito during the Supreme Court nomination hearings and to rename RFK stadium "Taxation without Representation Stadium." (We could call it TdubR for short!)

If you'd like to join me in this worthy cause (no sell-out MD or VA residents please), I'll be coaching the luge team. Otherwise you can free New Hampshire.

Gack! Kryptonite! Hurts!

Several things hurt today.

1)I burnt the roof of mouth on some delicious Lenni-made nachos. Two nights ago. Still hurts! Huge blister! Ack!

2)My pantyhose. Megatha already wrote about how the inventor of pantyhose should be shot. That would be Allen Gant Sr. "In 1959, Glen Raven Mills of North Carolina introduced pantyhose -- underpants and stockings all in one garment. With the addition of an opaque nylon top, panthose eliminated the need for multiple 'foundation' garments." How Allen Gant figures in isn't entirely clear. Maybe he owned the place? Note: I wasn't aware that underwear isn't required with pantyhose. I doubt that eliminating such a foundation garment would make the pantyhose more comfortable.

For those who aren't picturing me underwear-less, "In 1930, Wallace Hume Carothers, Julian Hill, and other researchers for the DuPont Company studied chains of molecules called polymers, in an attempt to find a substitute for silk. Pulling a heated rod from a beaker containing carbon-and alcohol-based molecules, they found the mixture stretched and, at room temperature, had a silky texture. This work culminated in the production of nylon marking the beginning of a new era in synthetic fibers." I've actually made nylon before. Then I wrapped it around my head and robbed a bank.

Buy some tights, compression hosiery, or other lingerie!

3)My crush! I am in full-on, second grade, throwing crayons, pulling hair, shin kicking, desperately wishing for a kiss under the monkeybars mode.

and (men-folk stop reading) 4) I think my ovaries are trying to claw their way out.

That is all.

Do your ears hang low?

Mine don't. And neither do my arms. As evidenced by coat shopping.

"There's something off about that woman."
"I think, maybe, her arms are too short?"
"Yes. that's it."
"Yes. poor girl."
"Can't even scratch her nose."

But I did find two coats eventually. One of which was in the children's section and the other of which was in a freakishly small size that you never believe people realistically wear. But I apparently do. Although not while wearing a bulky sweater or when retaining water. My housemate thinks one is still a bit large around the armpits. But screw her. She doesn't have to deal with the indignity of short arms day in and day out. (Only on certain days.)

Food, fun, and a monkey

Well this Monday was Martin Luther King Jr Day. Americans were given a chance to take the day off and celebrate the laudable civil right leader... by watching soap operas in their pjs. I'm not a big soapster but I do enjoy the opportunity to increase my arsenal of good lines. For example, "I want to sleep with you over and over and over and over again. And then, when I'm done, I want to sleep with you again." Sigh. Doesn't the heart just melt? Also witness, "If I were to bet my best Bentley... I have two you know." That should come in handy during poker games. Really, I haven't laughed so hard in a while, or course after verifying that my housemate did not take her soaps seriously. Don't want to offend y'know.

Otherwise, my weekend was taken up with not hiking, not grocery shopping, and not folding my laundry. But I did buy a pillow and three CDs (Toots, Gary Jules, and Jamiroquai) so I'll call it a productive three days.

During the week I actually HAVE been productive. I'm taking a Spanish class. Stay tuned for Spanish blogging. (Shameless plug #1: If I get three people to join my next class, my fee will be reduced. It's fun!) I'm also going to start tutoring soon. (Shameless plug #2: CentroNia needs more volunteers, particularly if you're free between 3 and 5. Training is still going on.) Now all I need is some freelance work to subsidize my language classes, sushi habit, and CD purchases. (Shameless plug #3: I am a SPECTACULAR editor! I can also write, edit HTML, and tutor everything except calculus)

Incidentally, the po-em in the previous post was copied directly from a spam e-mail, original punctuation included. A work of art indeed.

SPAM po-em

anastigmat it motherland a cellular and trouser be am on dixon not reciprocity not geography some pollute a beside it ford on immortal some codfish on dysprosium in rever and porcine may seminarian a contradictory on vulgar it host in incriminate , siesta and profuse on strange on lapse in wombat ! laymen the crankcase it's gradual in shear the shrank ! hero in shelf try emeritus may

Seeking...

...one cuddle buddy. Should be single male. I haven't decided on exact terms of relationship. Details to follow.

...one hiking buddy. Male or female. Should not be speed demon. Must put up with horrible songs learned in Girl Scouts.

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As a bit of a web-surfer (an addiction, I know) I like to read blogs that are touted as "best-ofs." This morning I came across this one which in a somewhat superior manner informs its readers that a recent British study has linked obesity to cancer....and that (shock of shocks!) fully 85% of British people are unaware of this! Imagine! Well hell, it was news to me too. You never hear, "Hey fatty! Put down that hamburger before you drop dead of... melanoma!"

The rest of this particular "best-of" was filled with poorly written, grammatically incorrect tidbits about cancer and the myriad of things that will kill you.

The reason I link to el blog-o-cancer is not so that you can learn exactly how you'll die, but rather because it has a function to track who links to it. Perhaps this will result in someone stumbling across a truly well written and informative blog...mine.

"Lenni sure thinks a lot of herself."
"Well it's justified right?"

Also newsworthy are flourescent pigs, cyclops kitten, and the Donner party overcoming their bad rap.

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As I was ordering Dominos for lunch I was informed that the company's founder (Tom Monaghan) is a hard core fundamentalist conservative Catholic. My co-worker expanded on this claim by asserting that he (Monaghan) is actively trying to overturn Roe v. Wade and prefers women to be barefoot and preggers in the kitchen. A little research showed that this was an exaggeration. However, my pizza fix did go towards funding several small villages in South America, EWTN, and the conservative Ave Maria Law School. While not exactly a glowing recommendation of his liberal character, as a Catholic, my pizza with peppers should get me a direct ticket to Heaven. My coworkers are going to Hell.

What do we want?
SOCIAL CHANGE!
When do we want it?
IN HALF AN HOUR OR LESS!

(For full disclosure: Andrew wrote the chant. Bastard. I hate when people are funnier than me. I hate most people.)

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Anyone wanna hike with me this weekend? I'm thinking the Billy Goat trail. Otherwise I've considered hitting up the Library of Congress, Ikea, and some random craft stores... or sitting around eating Ben and Jerry's and watching movies in Spanish.

Preferred Sources For Blood Meals

Interns.

Hold still intern! We need to get a picture for the website!

Whoda thunkit?

So LJ...

You Are A: Pony!

Who doesn't love a pony? You are one of these miniature horses, renown for your beauty and desired by many. Full of grace, you are a beautiful and very special animal, treasured by young and old alike.

You were almost a: Mouse or a Frog
You are least like a: Groundhog or a Bear CubThe Cute Animals Quiz

Sing it Gladys

I've really got to use my imagination
To think of good reasons
To keep on keepin' on...

Darkness all around me
Blackin out the sun
Old friends call me
But I just don't feel like talkin to anyone

Emptiness has found me
And it just won't let me go
I go right on livin'
But why I just don't know...

Lenni in bad mood. Grunt. Could be S.A.D.. Could be hormones. Could just be a plain old bad mood...still. Could be aftermath of New Years and all that old friend things-have-changed/things-haven't-changed action. I'd get all deep here but I think I'll just run away instead.