Monday, April 24, 2006

hollow chocolate bunny o the apocalypse

Hypothetical situation:
You do something nice for someone like hold open the door, pick up what he/she dropped, or make sure the bus doesn't leave without them.
He/she does not thank you.

What do you do?

The most common response thus far is the loud, sarcastic, "You're welcome!" response. I'm not of this school of thought. Sure, it would be nice if they thanked you. It's only polite. But is that really why you did the good deed? In my ever so humble opinion, shaming them into thanking you kinda negates the good deed. (Unless it's a small child to whom you are trying to teach manners (ie drill please and thank you into their little pea brain so that they don't become ungrateful little punks.))

Today I was walking to catch the bus when it started to pull away from the curb. I started to run and someone at the stop flagged down the bus driver to wait. As I ran past this good samaritan I gasped "Thanks." He acknowledged this with a rather forceful "You're welcome." This and his next statment "You could have said thank you!" tipped me off to the possibility that he hadn't heard me. I became angry. Suddenly, this man had been transformed into my eyes from a nice guy who I was grateful to, to a whiny litle bitch.

Thoughts:
I guess he thought I was an ungrateful little bitch so perhaps we're even.
If I was chronically impolite, would I care if someone rudely answered "You're welcome!"?
Would I even notice their tone?

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To J: Hitting on my friends? Smoooooth.

Friday, April 21, 2006

I'm moving to Peru

because the voices told me to.

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I got this letter today (well, yesterday, but I read it today)...
"Greetings from the Heights on Dolphy Day 2006!
In case you haven't heard, the Grand Wizard has proclaimed that today,
April 20, 2006 is Dolphy Day. And for the first time in 35 years, the Grand Wizard is a woman!
It is low 70s, not a cloud in the beautiful blue sky, there are bands playing on stage, students enjoying games including volleyball and basketball, and the spirit of Dolphy Day.
Enjoy the day - spring is here on the Heights!
Read more about the history of Le Moyne's rite of spring. See pictures from today's festivities!"

Just rub salt in the wounds why don't you!?! The "And you're stuck inside you sucker! How's that real word working out for you? Nyah Nyah!" was implied pretty heavily.

As I said to Meg, "It's Dolphy Day! I should be out drinking myself into a stupor and hooking up with college guys!" Meg of course responded in kind but for me such behavior would be out of the ordinary. For an exact transcript of the conversation look here.

That's ok Le Moyne! I'm moving to Peru!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Irony

As defined by Wikipedia: Irony is a form of speech in which the real meaning is concealed or contradicted by the words used. Irony involves the perception that things are not what they are said to be or what they seem. Dramatic irony lies in the audience's deeper perceptions of a coming fate, which contrast with a character's lack of knowledge about said fate. A common metaphor for using irony is to "have your tongue in cheek".

Interesting. I would have used "tongue in cheek" as a definition for "facetious." But that interpretation of it is very hipster, as is the obsession with Wiki.

Merriam Webster: (1) a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning -- called also Socratic irony (2) the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning; a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony; an ironic expression or utterance (3) incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result; an event or result marked by such incongruity; incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play -- called also dramatic irony, tragic irony

Ironically, Princeton defines "facetious" as "tongue in cheek."

Today I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said "Warning: New Jersey Driver." As a New Yorker moving down to Maryland, I was particularly horrified by the quality of driving. Apparently, the residents of "the free state" take freedom to all new levels. So, the bumper sticker, ironic or facetious eh?

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Ironically, I started this blog as a forum to rant, rave, and froth (just a bit). My lack of readership allowed plenty of anonymous opportunity for such. But I didn't really froth much. Now, with an increased readership (every little blogger's dream), even if only friends and family, I am more constained in sentiment. Or I feel I have to be. But I don't wanna! I need to rant! Ah well, there's always my journal. Pen and paper! Rock on!

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Guess what!
Chicken butt!
I got a follow-up audition for Jeopardy! (shout out to Shimon for helping me cheat...I mean cram) I am taking my talent for useless knowledge on the road!
And I'm published once again! (link to follow post-embargo)
And free cone day at Ben and Jerry's is coming up!
And my Spanish class starts tomorrow!
And the new intern looks like Kevin McDonald from Kids in the Hall! (Really, this is a good/funny thing). I'm just waiting for him to cross-dress.
And yet I'm oddly cranky! Is it possible to have SAD in Spring? Or Post-menstrual syndrome? I should be used to inexplicable Lenni-funks. I'll just read "Goodnight Mr. Tom" for the gazillionth time, cry my eyes out, and be all better in a few days.

And that's all the news. (insert appropriate SNL-like sign-off here).

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

blah.

I have turned into my Dad. I wrote the neat little tidbits of the past day on the back of an envelope to share with you. They will most likely be less than fascinating, just like Dad's.

Last night, I answered the door and there was man in a suit standing there. The first thing he said was, "Is your mommy or daddy home?"
(I could end right there. Cuz that's funny. But I won't cuz I like to kill my stories and draw them out as long as possible.)
"Well, I'm sure they are. But they don't live here."
So the man went on to tell me about how he was in a management training program that got him off welfare, blah blah, saving children from the depths of financial insecurity, blah blah, off the streets, blah blah. "Essentially" he was selling magazines. Alternatively, I could just donate ten dollars. My neighbor Joan did it. Do I know Joan?
Rather than explan that Joan probably wipes her ass with ten dollars every day, wheras I am not that fiscally liberal, I declined to purchase a magazine or donate money. I did offer to check some of the charities out (a compromise, eh?). However, he answered. "You don't want to help the children? Oh my God. I can't believe you." And walked away.

So then on the ride to work I saw/heard some interesting things.
- an Idaho license plate. Their tagline is "Famous potatoes." Sad. Just sad.
- Dr. Tattlebottom and his magical silicon. The good doctor is a plastic surgeon (if you hadn't gathered that already). I think the name is appropriate in many ways. "Do you have a tattle bottom that swings and sags? Let Dr. Tattlebottom take care of that! He won't tattle about your bottom!"
- The commercial for the good Dr. ended with "Can you imagine getting breast enhancement for $250? TOYOTA!" Hmmm.

Wow. completely uninteresting.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Famousosity

My press release has been...released! It has been edited to a style that is not entirely my own but I'll live. Mostly because it has been picked up by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (Intelligencer?) and is rumored to have been picked up by the LA and NY Times(es). And for some reason my coworkers are buying me lunch for this.

Ocean Acidification Threatens Cold-Water Coral Ecosystems

Corals don’t only occur in warm, sun-drenched, tropical seas; some species are found at depths of three miles or more in cold, dark waters throughout the world’s oceans. Some cold-water coral reefs are home to more than 1,300 species of animals, a diversity rivaling some better known tropical coral reefs. Until now, scientists believed bottom trawling – a commercial fishing method in which vessels drag large, heavily weighted nets across the bottom – to be the greatest threat to cold-water corals. Now, however, a new study published in Frontiers in Ecology and the Environment suggests that human activities could be threatening cold water reefs in another way.

Lead researcher John Guinotte, a marine biogeographer at Marine Conservation Biology Institute (Bellevue, WA) and colleagues say that increasing amounts of atmospheric carbon dioxide (CO2), driven by the burning of fossil fuels, are dissolving into the oceans, causing them to become slightly more acidic. This change in seawater chemistry could harm deep-sea calcifying animals like corals.

Cold-water corals that make their skeletons from aragonite – a form of calcium carbonate (the main component of limestone) – are most vulnerable. Cold-water, reef-building corals are prevalent in the North Atlantic, where there is a deep layer of water supersaturated with aragonite. In pre-industrial times, more than 95 percent of cold water reefs around the world were found in waters supersaturated with aragonite. However, this layer of supersaturated water is shrinking as concentrations of CO2 increase.

“Scientists have known for years that shallow-water tropical coral reefs are threatened by both warming oceans and chemical changes in seawater caused by the build-up of CO2 in the atmosphere. Above-average seawater temperatures have caused coral bleaching events throughout the world, and the calcification rates of corals exposed to more acidic conditions in laboratory experiments have shown worrisome declines,” says Guinotte. “But now we suspect that this increase in CO2 will have a detrimental effect on cold-water corals as well. Cold-water reefs are at greater risk than shallow-water reefs because colder waters are naturally less hospitable for coral growth.”

The uptake of CO2 by oceans initiates a series of chemical reactions that increase acidity and decrease carbonate ion concentration in seawater. Corals and other marine organisms (e.g. some species of plankton and mollusks) use carbonate ions to build their skeletons or shells. Model projections indicate that by 2100, only 30 percent of cold-water reefs will still be in waters supersaturated with aragonite. With fewer carbonate ions available, there could be a dramatic reduction in the growth of both the corals and marine plankton species that make their shells from aragonite. As the oceans become more acidic, corals are expected to build weaker skeletons, a process similar to osteoporosis in humans.

Cold-water corals provide habitat for many commercially important fish species and harbor several species of sponges that produce chemicals with anti-cancer and other medicinal uses. Unfortunately, says Guinotte, just as scientists are finding out how diverse and important cold-water corals are, they are being threatened by a one-two punch.

“First, bottom trawlers smash them to bits. Then, ocean acidification will probably slow the skeletal growth and/or lead to weaker skeletons of those that remain. Ocean acidification will likely have serious and wide-reaching impacts, not only for coral ecosystems but for all life in the oceans. Many species of marine plankton use carbonate ions and occupy the base of most marine food webs, so a reduction in their numbers could lead to harmful effects throughout marine ecosystems.”

Only a decrease in the burning of fossil fuels is likely to slow this trend, say Guinotte and colleagues.

Whidbey Island New Years Eve bash

On the morning of our New Years Eve visit to Whidbey Island, my friend texted, “Are you sure you still want to go? It’s going to rain.” But ...