This one goes out to Jonathan

This past weekend I got sloppy drunk. Yup. me. It does happen. Those of you who knew me in college may say that it happens more than one might expect. But that's not all. Nope...

I drunk dialed!

*gasp*

What is so tempting about the fluid cohesion between alcohol and cell phone? I am not the booty call type of person. I don't think it's really all that fun to invite some guy over to witness my slurring, stumbling, oft-times puking self. That's not real attractive. Even if I did miraculously finagle a hook-up, I'd probably just fall asleep. Besides all that..i"m really just a sweet and innocent young woman.

I don't do the "I am so over you" calls. Or the "Please don't leave me! I still love you! You'll be sorry!" I'm not even partial to the "I have a huuuuge crush on you. teehee." or "I hate you. Drop dead." or "Guess what Mom/Dad/Boss/Pope? I'm drunk off my ass right now!"

So why call? Why do I endure the day-after embarrasment of "Hey. you called me last night." or "Hey. Thanks for the funny yet long, rambling, and totally uncalled for message. "

For some people it's tradition. (Ed-o!) For other's it's merely because I was left alone long enough to get bored or lonely. I mean really, some wing-women take un-nceccessarily long in the bathroom. And the walk home? Forget it! Even while chasing a Best Buy cart through a residential neighborhood, I can still need to talk to someone.

For others (this last one included) I really couldn't tell you. I was drunk! At least according to my source it was amusing, "75% about the 40 Japanese people in your living room; 20% gibberish and something about shopping; 5% scandalous proposition."

To all those I have called...and to those I may call in the future......

"Dude! I am sooooo drunk right now. Hiiiii!"

My Irrational Fear of Today

This isn't like today's irrational fear. As in, yesterday I was irrationally afraid of toaster ovens and today I'm irrationally afraid of binder clips. I am a little afraid of binder clips but that's another story. No, I am afraid of today.

It is April Fool's Day. "Happy April Fools Day!" I should exclaim happily as I tp the office. But no, instead I think I will cower in fear under my desk. Please don't play any pranks on me. I loathe pranks on me. I don't even particularly like pranking other people...mostly because I fear retribution.

Why, you may ask? Perhaps it's because I'm a native New Yorker, natively distrustful of everyone and everything. Perhaps it's because I'm somewhat insecure and I feel that your good natured April-Fooling is mocking me. Maybe it's because I'm well aware that I can embarrass myself perfectly capably. Just wait long enough and I bet you that sometime today I'll have toilet paper on my shoe, ink on my face, and spinach between my teeth as a I fall down the stairs insulting someone who's standing right behind me.

But that's just me. The rest of y'all enjoy your tom-foolery.