Bienvenida a Bolivia

So I forgot the first entry of my newest adventure. From January 26...
Bright and shiny Monday morning (ok more like 3AM) I left for Miami. Upon arriving I encountered some hippie types in the van to the hotel. You guessed it...fellow volunteers. (Britta from MN and Russ from GA who is sick right now) Once in the hotel we lunched and then sat through two days of some chipper, short, man talking at us.

There are 29 volunteers (14 guys, 15 girls) and we are a rather homegenous group: mostly white, well traveled, with no hand-eye coordination.

Here are 4 of us!

I missed some part of this because an illness I had right before leaving flared up again. Since there were no docs I had to go to the hospital...wore a gown and everything. I got a shot in the fanny and no lellow lollipop. Oddly, I didn´t hear anyone speak in English the whole 6 hours I was there.

Tuesday at 6PM we went to the airport and sat there for a very long time. I was the only one to watch the State of the Union but I had many requests to give a summary. Flight to La Paz at 11 and a layover for 8 hours until our 20 minute flight to Cochabamba. Many poor little sick volunteers. Our first meal in Bolivia was Burger King. sad.

I´m not sure I can explain Coch. It is a medium sized city and it´s tranquilo. Bolivians (here come the generalizations) speak pretty slowly and are friendly. Our staff is particularly awesome although my language teacher seems a smidge strict. There is the requisite nice bits of town with everything that you would expect in an American city and then there are the people who live in their cars ¨down by the river.¨

grounds of training center

The mountains are huge and beautiful and above the city there is the largest statue of Christ in the world. At night it is lit up blue or green. (Don´t worry. after some sleep more adjectives will be used)

Mostly our time has been occupied by interviews about our site, our language abilities and our job placements. We had our first language class and first immunizations today. Two other people are in my language class. I think we are the grammatically correct afraid to speak-ers. On a side note, it´s surprising how dirty you can get and I´ve broken every nail so far. The horror.

There are plenty of older volunteers here and they keep dragging us out to eat and drink. I´ve already broken a rule but you´ll just have to guess which one. I think the food is pretty good but I´ve been eating in restaurants mostly (pizza, burritos, y pique machu) Pique is a traditional dish with potato wedges, hot peppers, meat, tomatos, sausage and a hard boiled egg. It´s traditional and apparently the only spicy thing here except laqua which is like salsa. I have to learn to finish large meals becuase it is uber offensive not to. The soup is phenomenal.

Everything that they tell us, particularly distasteful things, are followed with ¨Welcome to Bolivia.¨ For example, ¨Don´t chew coca or we´ll kick you out. welcome to Bolivia.¨¨Don´t throw toilet paper in the toilet. Put it in a wastebasket. Welcome to Bolivia,¨ ¨Don´t eat raw tomatoes or you might get a brain worm. Welcome to Bolivia.¨

Ok and despues.....Just for fun try explaining Groundhog´s day in another language without using the words Groundhog or shadow. Is it six more weeks of winter? Also try to explain a waste management plant without using the words waste, management, or plant. (The only word I could think of was shit. Sorry Gram)

So it´s Carnaval here and it is a custom to throw water balloons at gringos and pretty ladies (and I´m both thank you!) Every day as I walk to class these niños lay in wait to dump buckets on me (literal buckets). Lately I´ve been chasing down the little punks and emptying my water bottle on them but it´s kinda unpleasant to pass a day sin waterbottle. One of the other volunteers actually picked up a child and shook him upside down. I think I will adopt a less drastic solution... a supersoaker. Or my community action plan will address water conservation.

Ah the community action plan. We are supposed to scope out our communities and figure out what issue we should address and with which target group (eg trash and kiddos). My group got hooked up with a school but when we went to visit the teacher to discuss possible ideas he got it into his head that we were presenting that day. Sixty-six little eyes looking at us expectantly. Eeeps!

Jesus loves me this I know because he glows in the dark. Really!

Other things to worry the parents- There are stray dogs everywhere and many of them are crazy. We have learned to carry rocks around just in case we need them. My tech trainer actually recommended that I bring a large stick. So far I haven´t needed either but I don´t really want to see how well my rabies shots work.

There have been some huge thunderstorms. This causes the volunteers to dream pretty exclusively about war, bombs, and pretty ladies carrying large needles. I guess the thousand vaccinations are getting to us.

We´ve had several field trips...the archeological museum (fascinating culture! Our guide made some sort of joke about lobotomies and the NY Yankess but I´m not sure I understood.), some art galleries (where we were forced to talk to the artists), Mt. Tunari (llamas!), and of course the waste management plant. If you care for further details on any of these do tell.

Next update!

This weekend I moved in with my family in a smaller community outside of the city. I have a new mom and dad and two little brothers (12 and 7). They speak relatively slowly and repeat themselves multiple times. I also have two dogs, a few chickens, two cows, and some guinea pigs. In case you were wondering there is indeed cheese and ice cream here. On Sunday my brothers danced in El Carnaval. They got all dressed up in crazy costumes (leopard skins and feathered headresses and masks) and danced around the schoolyard. I sat with some other volunteers and their families and got rather suburnt. In fact, I learned the words for swollen, itchy and to scratch.

Funny story (el primer): At one point I had to use the bathroom so I walked to the outdoor toilets. They had no doors! I stood there looking helpless until some little girls made a wall for me.

In language news: the huge frickin green beetles are waqua waquas and to try food, which I´m doing a lot of, is probar.

Today we went to La Cancha which is a huge open air market. It was very overwhelming. My friend said that next time he´s going to bring his compass. You can buy anything from a bar of soap to a wedding dress. I did indeed buy a bar of soap (and a purse and watch) I learned how to haggle in Spanish class but I´m not very good at it. We also went to the waste management plant (to depress us) and a sustainable farm with lotsa neat projects like adobe houses, compost toilets, grass-fed chickens and various other agricultural experiments. Inspiring. And smelly.

Tomorrow I get my first rabies shot and I´m meeting my friend Sarah (from DC) for lunch.

Some things: If you send me a package please make sure it´s under 4lbs and that the customs value is 0. Otherwise I have to pay.

Downside of fame

Critics of my article say:

-well, its not embarassing, but gosh, where did he learn to punctuate?
-dude, you are not the baby
-what is up with the mom stuff? Is she gonna be upset?
-"life-long dream of raising environmental awareness around the world?" did you actually say that?
-I wish there was some signature Ellen humor in it
-I totally did NOT say that the president was going to "fix things."

Several minutes of fame

I just got interviewed by a local reporter with a VERY strong New Yawk accent who kept prouncing the terminal s in Peace Corps (ie Peace Corpse, giggle).

The following are some of the the standard questions he asked, followed by my immediate thoughts:
Why am I doing this? No idea really
What am I afraid of? Chicken buses, Chagas disease, and verb tenses
What do my parents think of this? ANGRY
What do I think about Monroe's environmental issues? The strip malls suck and Monroe is a soulless wasteland.

Luckily for the Peace Corps and my parents, I did not say my immediate thoughts but instead spewed a politically correct wonder of pro-environment-volunteerism-Peace Corps propaganda.

At some point in the conversation I brought up my blog. He asked to publish the address. Um, no.

You can see the masterpiece here.

-----------

As promised, I hereby testimonialize that Justin is a fine catch for any future girlfriend. He is devastatingly handsome, super intelligent (often using sexy words like "redemption", "esoteric", and computer terms that I can't spell), and uber nice (unless mocking women and/or Catholics...just because it bothers me). Unfortunately he can't sing, tucks in his shirt, and doesn't know where Darfur is. But he is trainable. Feel free to contact me for further performance details.

Just goes to show.

So I was in Victoria's Secret today and there was a woman in a full burkah shopping for undies. AND her male companion was holding her purse. Hooray for women's lib!

Could I be more lame?

While driving all over God's green earth over the holidays (and to say "check-you-laters") I noticed quite a few catchy DOT sayings. Allow me to share a sampling: "Stay Alive. Don't Drink and Drive." "Click it or Ticket." and "Drive Hammered. Get Nailed" and from my very own NY "Buckle Up." We don't waste time on cuteness. I tried to think of a few - and wondered who gets paid to write them. Perhaps I will pursue it as a career.

In other news I've been replaced at work. Apparently they will miss me "coming in, telling a weird story, and disappearing again." It's good to be loved.

Mostly packed. Getting excited. Have been having scary dreams about Spanish verb tenses and contaminated water and wolves.

Stupid things

- MySpace has announced their new campaign to prevent known sex offenders from using the site. All ex-cons will have to register their email, which will then be banned from the networking site. -- Why can't a pedophile create more than one email addie? Soon Iheartboys@hotmail.com will be out stalking again.

- W (George W) has received feedback on his plan to "stay the course" in Iraq. All reports so far have been negative. W has decided to ask around a bit more.

- In Congress, there has been a recent push to make hunting legal for the visually impaired. "Because all people deserve to experience the fun of hunting." -- do I need to explain why this is stupid?

-Boys.

"I had a fantastic weekend."

And I am indeed alive. And not married.

On that bandwagon!

the iPod Meme.

How does the world see you?
In the Waiting Line (Zero 7)

Will I have a happy life?
Stephanie Says (the Velvet Underground)

What do my friends really think of me?
Nightswimming (REM)

What do people secretly think of me?
Wishing Well (Phantom Planet)

How can I be happy?
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Tan Dun and Yo Yo Ma)

Will I ever have children?
How Could You Want Him? (Spin Doctors)

What is some good advice for me?
Thrice All American (Neko Case)

How will I be remembered?
She Loves Everybody (The Verve Pipe)

What is my signature dancing song?
When You Say Nothing At All (Allison Krauss & Union Station)

What do I think my current theme song is?
Loretta (John Prine singing Townes Van Zandt)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Ageless Beauty (Stars)

What song will play at my funeral?
What Really Goes On (Tribe Called Quest)

What is my day going to be like?
Winding Road (Bonnie Somerville)

----------
Well that was completely pointless. Are you sufficiently impressed with my varied musical tastes? And in case you care my signature dancing song is Canned Heat (Jamiroquai) and the song to be played at my funeral is Lacrymosa (Mozart), maybe even the entire Requiem. My current theme song is Time Bomb (the Format) but not for its lyrics or maybe Better (Regina Spektor)....but my housemates would think Inches and Falling (the Format) because I sing it incessantly. "I love love. I love being in love. I don't care what it does to me."

Take that So-and-so!

When I was growing up (and even now) my parents would always read the community announcements in the local newspaper. Soon it became a big joke. "So-and-so made the Dean's List at a prestigious university. Why can't you be more like So-and-so?" or "So-and-so just signed a multi-million dollar contract with an internationally renowned company. Why can't you be more like So-and-so?" or "So-and-so just got married and gave birth to a three head baby boy. Why can't you be more like So-and-so."

My sister has drafted the following press release..."Lenni '03 of Washington, DC, swell person and spiffy dresser, was much sought after by United States Peace Corps. She is leaving an editorial position with ESA to provide edification and illumination to poor, starved masses in Bolivia. PS, she will be saving the environment too."

----------

Ed note 12/6: After a coworker found this mock press release in a Google search, I feel compelled to specify that it is most definitely an exaggeration, but sadly something that my hometown newspaper might actually print.

All circuits busy.

Processing. Please try again later.

-----------
Goals for the year:

These goals mostly have to do with my quest to become President of the world. I need to work a little on my people skills to achieve beloved deity/President status
To use people's names when I talk to them
To thank people
To be more modest
To ask more questions in conversation

To procrastinate less
To be less afraid of making a complete ass of myself, especially when speaking in Spanish
To not cry when I get angry
To philosophize

-----------

Andrew, I'm totally not going to give you the satisfaction of reading about my various trials and tribulations.