Several minutes of fame

I just got interviewed by a local reporter with a VERY strong New Yawk accent who kept prouncing the terminal s in Peace Corps (ie Peace Corpse, giggle).

The following are some of the the standard questions he asked, followed by my immediate thoughts:
Why am I doing this? No idea really
What am I afraid of? Chicken buses, Chagas disease, and verb tenses
What do my parents think of this? ANGRY
What do I think about Monroe's environmental issues? The strip malls suck and Monroe is a soulless wasteland.

Luckily for the Peace Corps and my parents, I did not say my immediate thoughts but instead spewed a politically correct wonder of pro-environment-volunteerism-Peace Corps propaganda.

At some point in the conversation I brought up my blog. He asked to publish the address. Um, no.

You can see the masterpiece here.

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As promised, I hereby testimonialize that Justin is a fine catch for any future girlfriend. He is devastatingly handsome, super intelligent (often using sexy words like "redemption", "esoteric", and computer terms that I can't spell), and uber nice (unless mocking women and/or Catholics...just because it bothers me). Unfortunately he can't sing, tucks in his shirt, and doesn't know where Darfur is. But he is trainable. Feel free to contact me for further performance details.

Just goes to show.

So I was in Victoria's Secret today and there was a woman in a full burkah shopping for undies. AND her male companion was holding her purse. Hooray for women's lib!

Could I be more lame?

While driving all over God's green earth over the holidays (and to say "check-you-laters") I noticed quite a few catchy DOT sayings. Allow me to share a sampling: "Stay Alive. Don't Drink and Drive." "Click it or Ticket." and "Drive Hammered. Get Nailed" and from my very own NY "Buckle Up." We don't waste time on cuteness. I tried to think of a few - and wondered who gets paid to write them. Perhaps I will pursue it as a career.

In other news I've been replaced at work. Apparently they will miss me "coming in, telling a weird story, and disappearing again." It's good to be loved.

Mostly packed. Getting excited. Have been having scary dreams about Spanish verb tenses and contaminated water and wolves.

Stupid things

- MySpace has announced their new campaign to prevent known sex offenders from using the site. All ex-cons will have to register their email, which will then be banned from the networking site. -- Why can't a pedophile create more than one email addie? Soon Iheartboys@hotmail.com will be out stalking again.

- W (George W) has received feedback on his plan to "stay the course" in Iraq. All reports so far have been negative. W has decided to ask around a bit more.

- In Congress, there has been a recent push to make hunting legal for the visually impaired. "Because all people deserve to experience the fun of hunting." -- do I need to explain why this is stupid?

-Boys.

"I had a fantastic weekend."

And I am indeed alive. And not married.

On that bandwagon!

the iPod Meme.

How does the world see you?
In the Waiting Line (Zero 7)

Will I have a happy life?
Stephanie Says (the Velvet Underground)

What do my friends really think of me?
Nightswimming (REM)

What do people secretly think of me?
Wishing Well (Phantom Planet)

How can I be happy?
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Tan Dun and Yo Yo Ma)

Will I ever have children?
How Could You Want Him? (Spin Doctors)

What is some good advice for me?
Thrice All American (Neko Case)

How will I be remembered?
She Loves Everybody (The Verve Pipe)

What is my signature dancing song?
When You Say Nothing At All (Allison Krauss & Union Station)

What do I think my current theme song is?
Loretta (John Prine singing Townes Van Zandt)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Ageless Beauty (Stars)

What song will play at my funeral?
What Really Goes On (Tribe Called Quest)

What is my day going to be like?
Winding Road (Bonnie Somerville)

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Well that was completely pointless. Are you sufficiently impressed with my varied musical tastes? And in case you care my signature dancing song is Canned Heat (Jamiroquai) and the song to be played at my funeral is Lacrymosa (Mozart), maybe even the entire Requiem. My current theme song is Time Bomb (the Format) but not for its lyrics or maybe Better (Regina Spektor)....but my housemates would think Inches and Falling (the Format) because I sing it incessantly. "I love love. I love being in love. I don't care what it does to me."

Take that So-and-so!

When I was growing up (and even now) my parents would always read the community announcements in the local newspaper. Soon it became a big joke. "So-and-so made the Dean's List at a prestigious university. Why can't you be more like So-and-so?" or "So-and-so just signed a multi-million dollar contract with an internationally renowned company. Why can't you be more like So-and-so?" or "So-and-so just got married and gave birth to a three head baby boy. Why can't you be more like So-and-so."

My sister has drafted the following press release..."Lenni '03 of Washington, DC, swell person and spiffy dresser, was much sought after by United States Peace Corps. She is leaving an editorial position with ESA to provide edification and illumination to poor, starved masses in Bolivia. PS, she will be saving the environment too."

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Ed note 12/6: After a coworker found this mock press release in a Google search, I feel compelled to specify that it is most definitely an exaggeration, but sadly something that my hometown newspaper might actually print.

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Goals for the year:

These goals mostly have to do with my quest to become President of the world. I need to work a little on my people skills to achieve beloved deity/President status
To use people's names when I talk to them
To thank people
To be more modest
To ask more questions in conversation

To procrastinate less
To be less afraid of making a complete ass of myself, especially when speaking in Spanish
To not cry when I get angry
To philosophize

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Andrew, I'm totally not going to give you the satisfaction of reading about my various trials and tribulations.

Ah love.

Me: If you had gotten that job at MoveOn...I would have a crush on your boss
MeggieMae: lol
Me: he was a bit serious so it would have resulted in a tumultuous breakup
Me: i hope that doesn't disturb you at the workplace much
MeggieMae: lol
Me: he asked if i could call on monday or tuesday and i answered "nope"
Me: he then asked what i do when i'm not on the phones
Me: i wasn't sure if he was affronted that i have other things to do, or if he was really curious, or if he wanted to know if i had time for a romp in the copy room
MeggieMae: lol

The Edge of the world

I have not yet fallen off! (that will happen in January) But what have I been doing? Here is the long awaited update back by popular demand (ok the demand of two people...and my mom.)

10/18 I attended a conference on pollinators...y'know birds and bees.
My mom once taught me something about birds and bees but I had no idea what she was talking about. (I used that line on someone and they asked incredulously how I learned. I answered "trial and error." Fell flat.) Besides that, the conference was amusing on many levels. I did not want to attend originally because a former supervisor was going to be there. This supervisor used to treat me like dirt and made it very very clear that I was many levels below him. He was falsely cheerful and had no appreciation for my dry wit (I mean really). Anyhoo, I decided that I would be uber-professional, dressed the part, and was all set to schmooze on behalf of my organization. Unfortunately I was waylaid into turning the lights on and off between speakers....relegated to underling yet again because I look eternally youthful and energetic. However, I did achieve a certain notoriety as "Lenni the impromptu lighting specialist" and one of my colleagues called my former supervisor a shmuck.
Another tidbit y'all might enjoy: the MC kept asking us to give the speakers a "pollinator welcome." I truly expected the crowd to make finger antenaes and buzzz.
I learned some neat things: There are 54 bumble species in North America. The Post Office gets 50,000 requests for special stamp series. And in certain parts of China, all the bees are gone so people have to hand pollinate. (insert dirty joke that I haven't thought through here)

10/18-10/21 I tutored, had two lovely dinners, got a bad haircut

10/21-10/26 I went to Philamadelphia for the Geological Society of America meeting. I spent most of my time thinking up bad geology jokes. "I want my drink on the rocks", "I bet you're rock hard", "All my faults are normal", etc. I did eat a cheese steak and visited the Liberty Bell. Oh and worked of course.

10/27-10/28 Besides partying a bit too hard on Friday (Hi Laur!), which rendered me unable to party as hard on Saturday (Hi Meg! Hi crew!) I sat by the front door waiting for the mail. I have officially been invited to Peace Corps Bolivia! I will be working as an Environmental Educator in the Natural Resources Program! I leave the end of January so get as much of me now as you can. I have found that Peace Corps has served admirably as both a pick-up line and a go-away line. (By the way this blog is not affiliated in any way with the Peace Corps and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the US government and really I don't party that hard. I just stayed up late.)

10/29 Boo at the zoo. I heart Halloween. I love the excitement, the crisp weather, making a costume, walking around the neighborhood etc. I was a smidge depressed at the apparent lack of homemade costumes. I was surprised to see that the TMNTurtles and the MMPRangers are still around. And I was a little upset to learn that my station at Boo was giving away Tootsie Rolls, which I loathe.

This week has been crazy busy as will next week. Don't forget to vote and if you wanna come to the regina spektor concert with me please drop me a line.

~woot~

Back by popular demand...

I was cleaning my room and directly before I inhaled a crap load of dust, I found some po-ems I wrote in my last writing class. Ah angst-filled free verse. Enjoy...


Home
is where the heart is
is where the eye is
of the storm.

Is that the calm part, the eerie silence, the greenish indescribably Crayola sky, before wind whipping reality hits?
an interlude if you will.
a microcosm of charming suburbia sheletered from the big bad real world.

Yet like the eye, eerie in its silence,
(atmospheric) pressure building.

---

"I am growing children not a lawn."

Peppered with mossy spots
the favorite soft cushions of childhood reflections.

Roots protruding above the ground
from a tree we dared to climb scurrying and chattering, squirrel-like.

Onion grass, the weedy chives
a bite to nibble as an afternoon snack.

Ant hills, sandy mountains rising above the grassy plain
from our child's eye view, intricate civilizations to observe.

The lawn was indeed fruitful.

---

4 children + 2 parents = crowded bathroom

Yellow and white tiled, sunbeam sink, citron toilet, and a banana bathtub with tiny red fish adhered to the bottom, permanently swimming under little feet.
Grubby towels hang, stained with childhood adventures.

Potty training, science experiments, haircuts.
Alternately a private retreat or a crowded metropolis of teenage angst.
Are you decent? Can I brush my teeth in here? Would you hurry up!

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I'll follow this with news of pollinator welcomes, Philamadelphia, and Bolivia as soon as I can. View my trite creations as a placeholder.